“I Don’t Want To Go To Church.”

Wallowing.

That’s what I’ve been doing.

For many weeks.  Days.

For too long.

By the middle of each of these wallowing weeks, this very phrase, like a spoiled-rotten-self-centered-foot-stomping toddler, would slowly start to surface:  “I don’t want to go to church.”  I’m sure there was even some hands on the hips and head nodding going on.

By Friday, this statement gained an exclamation point at the end.

And by Saturday night, it was accepted as fact and an early Sunday morning rising was out of consideration.

Mondays came with an almost celebratory, though unspoken, lightness.

WHY HAVE I BEEN FEELING THIS WAY?!

I can explain it away, and to a select few, I have tried.  I can make it appear as if the feeling is justified, though it’s not.  I can list on all the toes of a Hemingway cat the reasons for my disenchantment, but I’m not going to.  Not here.  And not to those select few, anymore.

I have been WALLOWING, but that stopped today.

This morning started with a very bold demand as I approached what felt like was a common meeting ground for me and The Lord.  Did I just say “demand”?  Yes. I. Did.

“God – I DON’T WANT TO GO TO CHURCH, but I am.  I will.  I need You to either confirm this negativity I’m feeling, or show me that I’m where You want me to be.”

Understand, this wasn’t a stop breathing, throw your hands up in the air type of request. This petition of The Lord this morning actually left as quickly as it came to me.  After this point, I was on a mission – one in which I was certain I would receive confirmation of the magnetic pull away from church that I have been feeling.

So at 9:05am, I went to church.  And you know what happened?

I was greeted by friends.
Shared a ‘pew’ and church service with some precious women.
Hugged necks and had mine hugged.
Listened to worship music.
Closed my eyes, and let the rhythm and sweetness envelope me.
Received a message about being Salt and Light.
Drank coffee.
Picked up literature.
Went to my Sunday School class for the first time since July.
Got a Sunday School lesson book!!!
Met a new person.
Reconnected with not-new persons.
Dived into discussion about the world, faith in Christ, and battling evil.

It was a great morning.
And I left the church campus with a thirst for more of God’s word.

I felt confirmation – “I am where I’m supposed to be.”

So often, though, The Lord goes above and beyond when he answers.  God didn’t stop confirming when the church bell rang out in dismissal.

As I left the campus with my sons, our original plan for lunch changed.  Instead of going out to eat, I dropped them off at home and I drove to Subway for a couple of to-go sandwiches.  That way we could “just be” and enjoy this Sabbath day – this beautiful almost autumn day – at home.  I was hungry to go back and read the lessons I had missed in Sunday School, starting with a chapter on Satan.  Our Bible study is titled, “The Dark Side”, and it addresses how Christians are to be ready for battle.  How apropos, right?

As I was leaving Subway, I ran into one of my friends from church, dining in with her family.  She said, “Oh, I’m so glad to see you!  I have a book for you!”  Are you ready for this?  The book she gave to me was one I loaned her a while back – Fervent, by Priscilla Shirer.

Say what?

Did you hear me?  It was a book I HAVEN’T EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT IN MONTHS about “A woman’s battle plan for serious, specific and strategic prayer”.   The opening chapter is titled “This Means War”.  It’s all about battling evil and this world and is very descriptive of satan’s attacks.

Heavens-to-Betsy!!  THAT is where this wallowing has come from!!

WALLOWOING is not something that God designed me to do.  WALLOWING in the negative like I have been doing has allowed UNTRUTHS to take root and just about choke me out of church.  Out of joy.  Out of good things the Lord wants for me.

I hope I didn’t scare my friend when I hugged her and told her how God is using her to speak CONFIRMATION into my life today.  But y’all — He was.  And did.  And is!!

So as if I didn’t already have enough of an answer to my sassy demand this morning……God gave me a pathway to receive EVEN MORE of a confirmation than I could have imagined.

It’s all in the details.  And God blows me away.  Every. Single. Time.

IMG_7984

I practically floated with the sandwiches to my car, with a heart overflowing with gratitude and joy at The Lord’s answer.  But He didn’t stop there.

As I was buckling up to head home, I looked over and saw yet another dear friend from church parking beside me.   I could hardly stand it!!!  So of course I got out to greet her and exclaim the goodness of what God was showering me with.  And she asked, “And you’re surprised with His lavish answering?!”

Yes!  YES!  Every. Single Time.  It is thrilling!!  I never doubt that God will answer when I ask, but I confess, I don’t always expect His answering to be so obvious, or quick.

Today,  The Lord knew exactly what I needed.  He never fails.

I fail.  Miserably.  All the time.

But The Heavenly Father doesn’t.

He knew not only that I needed to know I was where He wanted me to be, but also answered the “why I was wallowing” question.  I belong to Jesus Christ.  Purchased with His precious blood.  There is NOTHING satan can do to change that fact.  Satan is mighty. But God is Almighty.  I read that in my new Sunday School lesson book.   Satan can’t have me.  What he tries to do instead is make sure he trips me up so that I cannot be a productive witness for Jesus and help grow The Kingdom through my being Salt and Light in this world.  Satan wants to keep me from showing WHO.I.AM. to others.  And he is very sneaky and very crafty and very good at testing our fences for weak spots.  I have been vulnerable.  Not.Anymore!

Heavenly Father – I hear you Loud and Clear.  Thank you!!

I can’t wait to go to church again.

I CAN’T WAIT!

 

 

Advertisements

One response to this post.

  1. Posted by Beverly on September 17, 2017 at 8:52 pm

    Thank you for sharing this. I have missed your smiling face, but thought maybe you were sitting somewhere I couldn’t see you. I love how God gave you confirmation. You have always been to me one of this believers that Jesus just oozes out of into every one you meet. Love you!

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: