…Awkward

DAY THREE MEMORY CHALLENGE:

AWKWARD
lacking dexterity or skill / lacking ease or grace / clumsy / inexpert / lacking social graces or manners

Recall a time when you felt the most awkward, and invite Jesus to reflect with you. What do you remember? How did you feel then, as compared to how you feel now, re-visiting that time?

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One response to this post.

  1. I felt the most awkward…

    was when I was in 6th grade. I must have been about 11. Who DIDN’T feel awkward every now and always when they were a pre-teen?!

    A boy named Byron lived across the street from me. We rode the school bus home in the afternoons together. His sister was my friend and cheerleading team mate, and his mother was my coach. Needless-to-say, I spent a lot of time in cheer practice and carpools with his family.

    It’s important to note too, at this point in my life I was a wall-flower. Whatever was even more shy and nonsocial than that, I was. And I was a yes person. Born that way, dear Gaga. Shy and afraid of confrontation and afraid to say no.

    So somehow, one day on the bus, this Byron asked me to “go steady” with him. I don’t believe I said yes, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t say no either. All I remember were his pre-teen buddies encouraging him and saying things I’m certain they didn’t even really understand. Boys.

    This definitely had me feeling awkward.

    I didn’t feel comfortable “playing at my friend’s house”, because I thought that Byron might expect me to talk to him. Or look at him. Or show an interest in him.

    I didn’t want to cheerlead practice around him, and was thankful that he was a Falcon’s football guy and had to practice at the same time. On the field up the hill. Far, far away from the parking lot where his mama was teaching us her version of the awesomest cheer dance to “You Dropped A Bomb On Me, Baby”. (Dallas Cheerleaders, look out!).

    And I didn’t want to pass him in the hallways at school. Or hear his buddies saying, “Oh, look Byron, there she is!”

    Understand that though I knew Byron, I wasn’t his friend. I had never engaged him in conversation. Ever. I wasn’t “boy crazy” at this point. Didn’t even think about having a boyfriend. So the fact that it was assumed I was now his “girlfriend” made being around him in any manner really weird and awkward.

    I immediately, from that bus ride home where an unstated fictional mutual interest morphed out of thin air, began getting off of the bus two stops from the usual, and much closer to my home, exit. I DID NOT, in any way, want to suffer through a 30 second walk to my house with this boy. I’d much rather take the 3 minute long haul from Pelican Road. So that’s what I did.

    I remember breaking up with Byron as well as I recall telling him “yes! I would love to go steady with you”. And what my memory tells me must have been months of awkward, too long walks home from the wrong bus stop, was probably no more than a week or two at most.

    And just like that one day, Byron and his family moved away.

    And I started getting off the bus 30 seconds from my house again.

    The end. 🙂
    ___

    Reflecting on this brings a smile to my face. I think about that shy girl who wanted nothing more than to blend in with the surroundings. Most people don’t believe me when I tell them how insecure and bashful I was as a child. And they also don’t believe I was a “yes” person. The shyness went away long before I was able to say “no” confidently and without feeling guilty. But now, I can very boldly, albeit kindly, say “no”. Learning of my worth and value to a Heavenly Father over the years encouraged me to continue to mature in grace and wisdom…..and confidence. So thankful for His truths!

    Reply

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