the toenail An Important Part Of The Whole

Listening to a Christian radio station today, I heard a (non)advertisement that went something like this:

“Hello.  My name is Jane Doe and I have been a Christian for 14 years….”

Hmmm.  I didn’t hear much beyond that, as I started thinking about the measurement of “being a Christian”.

I cannot nail down an exact moment when I would say I became a Christian.  I mean, you are or you are not is the argument here.  It’s either black or white, right?  Thing is, as my faith was developing earlier, and my trust in the Lord growing, I don’t recall any a-Ha moment when I crossed from the non-believer side to that of the believer.  I can, however, recall when I had a strong desire to grow in closeness to Him, and anxious to gain the knowledge that would bring me closer to Him.  It’s more of a time period, rather than a fine point moment.  Keep in mind that before this time period, though, I was a believer.  I talked to God, prayed, although it was mostly when I needed or wanted something.  So how long have I been a Christian?

During the time period when I noticed a strong desire to learn and grow in Christ, I did eventually talk with my pastor about it, and go before the church for Baptism and to become an on-record member.  Since that time, I have made steps forward and backwards in my relationship with Christ.  I’ve never turned from Him, but when I was younger, there were plenty of times when I faltered and did not make my Father proud.  Hallelujah for his mercy and patience with me!  Today, I still falter and I’m sure my Father is displeased at times, but I do this less than I did 17 years ago.  As my relationship has grown closer to Him, I no longer slip as easily and I’ve learned to ask Him before I act, most of the times.  How long have I been a Christian?

Only God knows the exact moment – but I’m okay relying on his record, which is surely the only truth.  God knows my heart, then and now, as He does in the future.  I am His creation.  Doesn’t matter how long I’ve been a Christian.  Only that I am.

Remember when you were younger and you’d get to see your cousins, aunts and uncles, or other extended family members who lived far away,  once a year or so, like at a family reunion?  Remember the excitement that would build the closer you got to actually seeing them?  Then, once you did see them, remember that excitement turning suddenly into an awkward shyness?  You know, the kind that leaves you wanting to smile and make eye contact but not wanting to smile and make eye contact at the same time?  Thank goodness that “I’m meeting you for the first time but not really” feeling  would wear off quickly so important things could happen – like hiking through the woods before we had to go eat the annual lunch of fried chicken and deviled eggs, or wading in the nearby creek, looking for crawdads under rocks.

The other day, our oldest son [OS] rang us up on Skype – the video conferencing tool that lets you “see” the person you are talking with over the computer.  I called for the family to come around the laptop, so we could talk to OS together.  The youngest son [YS] came rushing out of his bedroom.  My husband stopped what he was doing in the kitchen to join us in the den.  Even my mom came over to see OS, and talk with him.  But where was my middle son [MS]?  He was there, too, but hiding behind everyone else, peeking at the computer screen, smiling in that excited/shy way.

OS has been gone from here for a little more than 2 months.  At first, we got to talk with him regularly.  But now, we don’t get to hear from him as often.  Seeing MS, who was probably the first to come running to the computer, but now wanted to safely peek at his brother through the crowd, reminded me of this feeling. Distance does this.  Separation does this.  I had forgotten that feeling.

MS has had the luxury of being the younger brother and the older brother, and when OS left, the title of younger brother was taken from MS.  Now he is only the older brother, in our house.  That has to be hard for him, sometimes.  I think I will try to get OS to “spend some time” talking with MS soon.  By himself.  Some one-on-one time. They won’t be able to have a Nerf war or sit down and play XBox together, but I bet those funny feelings will go away just the same.  It’s the funny feelings, in this case, that will take a hike.

When I picked up our youngest son (YS) from school yesterday, he bounced to the car with his usual happy stride and wide smile.  This day, however, he greeted me with an outstretched hand, showing me a treasure he had found while waiting in the after-school car rider pick up line:

A HELICOPTER.

And this was not just your ordinary, run of the mill kind of pine tree helicopter, it was a much BIGGER helicopter than we usually see.

“Wow!  That’s a really big helicopter you found!”

YS:  “Yeah, isn’t it cool how God made things to travel around?!  I mean, he made this so that the wind could carry it where it needed to go, and he made things with hooks on them so they can latch on to other things and be carried where it needs to go.  I mean, isn’t it cool how he made them?”

“Yes, it is.  He really thought of everything, didn’t he?”

At this, YS sat back in his car seat with a satisfied grin on his face.

It’s such a beautiful thing to see even the simplest parts of our world unfolding in my son’s head – and to see him giving thanks and praise to the wonderful things God has designed.

It’s the weekend.  Saturday.  The youngest son (YS) is up at the crack of dawn.  His older brother & roommate, our middle son (MS), is still sleeping – a hard sleep, since he didn’t “go to sleep” until 5:50am.  The night before he had gone to a “Night of Prayer & Bible Study” at our church.  He got home around 12:30am, and immediately retreated to his room for some uninterrupted XBox 360 game play.  When nature woke me before day break this morning, I saw the silenced television images flashing in his darkened room.  Still awake.  Still playing a game.  So, today at 2pm, our MS was still sleeping.  Now you know why.

YS:  “Mom, you wanna see what I did in our room?”

“Yes, but be quiet.  [MS] needs to sleep longer.”

YS:  “I wrote [MS] a note on my easel, and put it in the doorway so he’ll see it when he gets up.”

“Oh, that is very nice!”

The note read:   DEAR [MS],

I AM SORRY FOR GITTING A ADITUDE ALL THE TIME
AND FOR ENOYING YOU ALL THE TIME.  DO YOU WANT
TO PLAY THE GAME WITH ME TODAY?  I LOVE YOU AND
I HOPE YOU WILL FORGIVE ME.

There is a five year age difference between our youngest two sons, and our MS is teetering on the tween/teen line, so he doesn’t always have the patience needed when dealing with our YS, who is an 8-year old.  And at the same time, our YS doesn’t always understand it when MS needs his quiet, his space.  As MS’s social calendar is beginning to take form, the weekends for him are not always about staying home and “playing” anymore.  He’s got an active schedule with the youth group at our church now that he’s a middle-schooler, and every other weekend he’s away from our home for visitation with his father.  Our YS is having to learn to deal with the feelings of not having his older brother’s dedicated attention all the time.  Last night when MS told YS that he was going to church, YS was not at all happy about that.  Apparently he made faces at his older brother, and picked up the footstool and threw it around the den in anger that his older brother was leaving.  I didn’t witness this, but instead, learned of it in the car ride to take MS to church.  When I returned home, I did not discuss it with YS, but instead, involved him in some outdoor gardening work that his dad and I were finishing up.  Distraction.  It’s a friend, sometimes.

After reading the sweet easel note that YS had composed and written for his older brother to see, my heart melted.

“YS, were you apologizing because of the way you acted toward your brother last night before he went to church?”

YS:  “Well, not just for that, but kind of for the way I’ve been annoying (enoying) him for the last 5-6 years.”

“Oh, you felt like you needed to say you were sorry, huh?”

YS:  “Yes.  I love him and I don’t want him to be mad at me.”

“You know why you felt like you needed to write him that note?”

YS:  [shrugs]

“Did you have this little tugging, this feeling that you needed to do it because it was the right thing to do?”

YS:  [smiling] “Yes.”

His daddy:  “That’s because you have Jesus in your heart and you wanted to do the right thing.”

“You know how proud your daddy and I are because you did that?  There’s someone who’s even more happy than we are.  You know who that is?”

YS:  “Uh-huh.  Jesus and God.”

“That’s right!  You did something, and when you thought about it, you knew it wasn’t right and you needed to say you were sorry.  You were doing what Jesus would want you to do!  That’s what it means to obey Jesus.  We’re so proud of you.”