the toenail An Important Part Of The Whole

November 2:  I am thankful for…

…the storm in my life right now.

Want proof that satan is shaking in his boots?  Try yielding to the will of the Holy Spirit, walking closely with the Savior on what you know is the pathway He has prepared for you, and pay attention to how the world responds all around. The clashes of thunder.  The sharp lightening.  The raging winds.  The dark skies.  All of the tumultuous things born to distract from the magnetic pull of the right of way.  The right way.

Matthew 14: 25-31 reads:

²⁵ Now in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went to them, walking on the sea. ²⁶ And when the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, “It is a ghost!” And they cried out for fear.
²⁷ But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Be of good cheer! It is I; do not be afraid.”
²⁸ And Peter answered Him and said, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.”
²⁹ So He said, “Come.” And when Peter had come down out of the boat, he walked on the water to go to Jesus. ³⁰ But when he saw that the wind was boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink he cried out, saying, “Lord, save me!”
³¹ And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, and said to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” (Matthew 14:25-31, New King James Version)

There is a storm all around me, and as I am keeping my eyes on Christ before me, stretching out His hands and telling me to “come”, I am determined to drown out the weather activities so that I do not lose my footing.  It’s hard, but I know without a doubt that Jesus has me and will not let me sink.

I’ve often heard that if things are going smoothly, with no conflict or struggle, then it might be wise to take a look at the path you are following.  See, satan does not desire for us to follow God’s will for our lives – he is determined to throw every punch he can to lead us astray.  And if we are veering off of God’s path for us, the right way, nothing pleases satan more.  But when we keep our feet planted, walking in Christ, satan can, and usually does, launch an all out attack to hinder our procession on the narrow path.

Looking at the storm around me, I am confident that the sleep deprivation, the restlessness of my mind and even the stress-induced fever blister that is trying its hardest to surface, are all things that cause satan to giggle a little.  But know this, I will not waiver from the path my Jesus has so lovingly carved out for me.

I’m thankful for the storm, because I know that I am going to walk out of the dark clouds a stronger woman, who reflects Christ even more than I did the day before.

Heavenly Father, thank you for today.  Thank you for loving me and for promising to walk with me through everything, including the storms.  I love you, Jesus, and know that you have equipped me with enough grace to walk through this storm unscathed.  It is in your perfect love that I take refuge and refueling.  May Your will be done through this time of unrest.  Amen.

Whew – October was a doozie!  It was with open arms that I welcomed this first day of November, even though they were unpreparedly met with a brisk 39 degree morning hugging  me back.

It’s time for some focus.

Time for buckling down into routine, and finding some stability in my crazy world right now.

A special girlfriend is dedicating her blog this November to 30 days of thankfulness.  You can read her by clicking this link:   As-For-My-House.  What a great way to accentuate the positive!  I am running as hard as I can to join her in this venture.  Some other friends are accepting the challenge, too.  There’s room for all — why don’t you pull up a cozy chair and celebrate 30-days of thanksgiving in your blog, too?

November 1:  I am thankful for…

…my 30-days of Thankfulness friend, who is all sorts of wonderful things, but who above all else, has a heart for Jesus Christ and desires to lead other women in pursuit of an intimate relationship with Him.  Through laughter, tears, anger, fears…she shares transparently and assures so many women that the struggles and triumphs in life are the constants we share, and how keeping our hearts focused on Christ Himself will see us through…anything and everything!

Thank you, Heavenly Father, for the friendships you’ve blessed me with, and for directing my path to join in fellowship with some pretty amazing Beloved Beauties.  Father, thank you for Jess, and for giving her the vision to seek connectivity among Your daughters.  May You continue to be glorified through our friendships.  Amen.

Philippians 2:1-2

“Mess.”

I can remember when my youngest son was just two, looking matter-of-factly at the spilled box of spaghetti noodles on the kitchen floor, saying, “Mess, momma, mess.”  He wasn’t upset, he wasn’t happy, he was just stating the mechanics of the moment as he saw them – “Mess”.

That’s how I feel today.

I feel like I’m standing in observance a box of all my colorful emotions that are spilled out across the floor.  “Mess.”  There’s some happy over there.  It’s sort of yellow with touches of orange.  Right next to it is the gray colored concern and the black worry.  Splayed out directly across from that is the white hot guilt (white hot because it’s not what you think it is and it seems to be in everything today).  Dot all of this with broken blue and green pieces of sadness and want.  There is a little tiny bit of joy out there – those are the bright pieces of rainbow.  Rainbow, because of God’s promises.

The thing is, I don’t feel like scooping them up and placing them all neat and tidy in their box right now.  Today, in this very moment, I’m sort of dependent on each one of those emotions.  They are comfortable.  I do really like the way happy feels, and I cannot get enough of the joy rainbow, either.  But, as crazy as it sounds, I’m finding that the other colors are playing an important role in my today, too.

In her book, Unglued, Lysa Terkeurst writes,

“Our emotions are what enable us to drink deeply from love and treasure it.  And yes, we also experience difficult emotions such as sadness, fear, shame, and anger.  But might these be important as well?”
“God gave me emotions so I could experience life…”

I’m experiencing life.  That’s it!  I AM experiencing life!  Praise God, I am experiencing life, even with my box dumped out all over the floor.   It is a mess, indeed.  But it’s a beautiful mess to the Master Creator.  I’m so thankful he loves me when I keep my emotions tucked neatly under cover and even when I toss them out all over the floor.

This is how I’ve spent day 403.  Unsure of what I feel exactly.  One emotion seems to trump the next, over and over again.  I think I’m going to let Jesus have the gray, black, white hot, blue and green crayons, and see if I can put the rest of the colors back into place.

When I was younger, I wanted the white picket fence so badly!
And the husband, the 2.5 kids and dog that go with it.
And the sports cars, vacations, rockin’ body and bottomless bank account.

Life is messy.
It’s rarely a match to the utopian dreams we imagine when we’re younger.

At some point, the mile marker of the white picket fence started to fade, as did my own plans, when I welcomed Jesus into the door of my heart.  The more I chase Jesus, the more I pass by things that I used to think would make me happy.  The more frequently I chase Jesus, the more often I pass by those things.  And the more quickly I chase Jesus, the faster I pass by those things, too.

That white picket fence used to be so real to me – I could almost smell the fresh paint!  Now, I see beyond that fence to where true treasures await.  In Matthew 6 verses 19 – 20, we are told:

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.”

The fence is no longer an object that represents success, arrival or reward to me…it is a symbol of things that are temporary on this earth.

Heavenly Father, help me to keep my focus beyond the things of this world so that I may be steadfast in  walking the pathway you have prepared for me.  Father, I long to work in your will for my life and bring glory to your son’s sweet, holy name, always.  My eyesight may be falling victim to the confines of this earth, but my vision, Lord, you sharpen more and more every day, setting it upon the good things you have prepared ahead for me.  Father, please help me see opportunities you present and give me abundant courage and strength to carry out your wishes with all I meet.  Thank you so much for loving me.  Amen.

And I need to edge the sidewalk in front of my house.
Oh, and roll up the water hose.
And weed the herb garden.
And move that bag of garden soil to the backyard.
It’s been there since June.

I heard someone say this week, “You know, you can tell what a person’s house is like on the inside by looking at how they keep the outside.”

I’ve never really thought about it before, but I have now…a lot!  Thank you, person who said this.  Just like when I heard a woman say, “It really irk’s me when people don’t shave behind their knees”, I will always think about people looking at my unshaven legs, AND NOW, my unkempt front yard.  Geesh!

Words we say have a lot of power.  They are forever.  Some of them, anyway.  Words said in Financial Accounting 201 for me were forgotten before they cleared the lips of my professor, but that’s another type of thing.  Words we say in judgement…as circumstantial evidence…as infallible truth – they are sticky boogers, especially if we are the gracious recipient of those with negative, pointy fingers.

Okay, Mr. Observer and person who thinks he might know what the inside of my house looks like based on the fact that my shudders are a little faded and I have some highway grass waving at passersby — Have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe, my priorities are a little different than yours?  Have you ever thought that there are more important things in life than giving up a Saturday afternoon for weeding and lawn care?  Maybe I didn’t straighten up the front yard before I left today because there was an emergency.  Maybe I don’t have enough gas in my car to drive to the trash dump twice a week.  Maybe my husband split  and I’m struggling with the responsibilities of home maintenance that I’ve been left with.  Maybe I’m dealing with sickness, or worse, sickness of a child.

The maybes are endless.

Do not judge based on the outside.  Of anything.
Things are rarely what they seem.
And take care in the words you say, lest someone return the favor one day.

It has been a year.
I’ve spent today reflecting on the blessings of this blended journey we share.
Thank you, Lord, for your protection and your promises.
Because of you, dear Saviour, we rest well and have peace,
knowing that the paths we are on were set in motion by You,
long before we ever were.

“In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.”
Proverbs 16:9

You loved your pacifiers (bippies).
And you loved your food.
You would yell for more between spoonfuls of smashed peas and ham.

You were independent, as long as someone was around.
You never liked to be alone.
You found security in rocking to sleep, in having the light on.

Bugs and rocks and all things boy occupied your attention.
You loved the ocean and the outdoors.
Your first pets were hermit crabs named Meow and Bark.

You accepted the name of Big Brother with pride, more than once.
Bike rides through the woods and afternoons in the “bamboo forest”
were some of the important things you shared with your siblings.

From baseball to skateboards and from weight training to cycling,
you were constantly in motion.
You once bit through your tongue on dismount from a trampoline.

You created many a song in the backyard treehouse,
strumming a mismatched tune on your guitar.
You loved to write poetry.

And now look at you!
I can’t believe it’s been twenty years already.
But I’m not surprised one bit at who you are today.

You still like your food, though you’ve acquired a more international palate.
You’re still very independent, yet confidently never alone.
The outdoors are a part of who you are, birthed restless into a world to be explored
You still teach your brothers all of the important things, as they observe your walk, even from afar.
An intercontinental marathon and unicycle have been added to your activities portfolio.
And truth in lyric continues to flow from you, a gift to us all.

I’m so thankful for you, son, and blessed beyond measure in being your mom.
Happy Birthday.
I love you, always & forever.