the toenail An Important Part Of The Whole

Gray. Overcast. Uncertain.
Unthreatening.
Encompassing.
Unexpectedly calm.

That’s what today is.
The outside is a reflection of my inside this morning.

It’s the kind of day that when I approach the throne, I’m unable to pour out my heart in prayer or praise, becasue I don’t know how to verbilize what’s inside this mess of a daughter.  Thank goodness the Holy Spirit intercedes on my behalf when I am weak (Romans 8:26).

A couple of weeks ago, when I first noticed this uncertain feeling coming over me, I knelt before the throne, head bowed, and waited.  I stopped giving excuses for not knowing how to pray on this particular day, and I simply waited, expectantly, for the balm that comes from the Savior.  He never fails.  Never.  And this is what He said to me:

“Keep ME in the forefront,
because when I AM,
you will react to this world
in a manner that is in line
with MY will for your moments.”

His on-point response – His salve – was an affirmation and directive that cut to the chase.  It went straight to my heart.  It was a response to the culmination of things in this earthly life that were weighing on me, but I couldn’t even recognize.

I lose sight of Him so frequently.

My excuses have gone something like this:  “But Lord, I have to tend to things right here, right now!” and “Lord, this world is so demanding!” and “Oh Lord, I’ve got this.  I have a plan.”

He says, “Keep me in the forefront”.

Why?

“Because when I AM, you will react to this world in a manner that is in line with MY will for your moments.”

He did not say what is in line with His will for my life.  He said “moments”.

Picture Jesus.
Picture Him right there with you.
Now.
In the car.
Waiting at Five Points.
When you are rushing around the house getting ready for school and work.
When you are at the doctor’s office.
Picture him standing with you when you catch the cat going potty in the laundry basket.
Sitting beside you at work.
When you get home and realize McDonalds forgot to put your apple pies in the bag.
With you on the phone with your spouse.
With your ex-spouse.
When you’re in a parent teacher meeting.
When you are sitting on a church pew.

I let stuff in my immediate moments get inbetween me and Jesus.  I do.  I admit it.  The mess of this world interferes.  Or rather, I allow it to interfere.  I get so focussed on what’s before me that I forget that My Lord and Savoir IS with me, in every moment, in every circumstance, in every situation.

My oldest son is going back to his home overseas today.  As this day has been approaching, I have focussed on the tasks that were obvious.  Those things that needed to be done to ensure a timely, efficient, and didn’t-forget-a-thing-while-packing departure.  Busyness.  Oh, how satan loves busyness.  No doubt it’s a tool he uses more than any other.  It’s a distraction.  It’s something that easily shifts my focus from Jesus, WHICH is exactly why I have been feeling so gray, I’m certain.  And then there’s selfishness.  Who desires for their family to be spread across the globe?  To have had our entire family together for the last several weeks has been blissful.  I don’t think I’ll ever see the day when I’m happy for our son to leave.  And then there’s worry.  Oh, hello worry, my old friend.  I should really call you my nemesis.  Worry over travel.  Safety.  Well-being.  Finances.

But here’s the thing – If I keep Jesus in the foreground, then He’s helping me pack.  He’s showing me selflessness.  He’s got my worries under His feet.

I have great neighbors.  David and Gigi.  When I am standing at my kitchen window, I can look outside and see directly into their kitchen window.  Our houses are very close together.  David says to me all the time, “We were looking at you and flipping the lights on and off trying to get your attention, but you just didn’t notice us.”

You know why I didn’t notice?  Because in that moment…wait.  Let me say that again.  Because in that MOMENT, I was so consumed with the dirty, messy sink full of dishes that I failed to look beyond the heap of distraction to see my friends waving at me.

Do you have a dirty, messy sink that’s getting in the way of your view of Christ?  I do.  And it doesn’t stay in my kitchen.  I carry that thing around with me all day long sometimes.

“Keep ME in the forefront”, Jesus says.

Heavenly Father, thank you for your everlasting, all-encompassing, never failing love.  Father, I’m so unworthy, yet you cover me with grace daily.  Thank you.  I’m easily distracted, Lord, and I know this does not come from You.  Please help me be blinded to the distractions in my home, in my workplace, in my neighborhood, in my church, in my community……….please help me focus on You.  Father, I desire to be in line with Your will for my life.  More than anything, I want my life – my moments – to be pleasing to you.  As I go through this day, I give you complete reign over my minutes, Lord.  I need you to sustain me and to keep my focus where it should be.  It IS a great day, Lord, and I will rejoice and be glad in it, because YOU are the reason we have this day.  Empty my heart of me, Lord.  In Jesus Christ’s name, Amen.