the toenail An Important Part Of The Whole

Whew – October was a doozie!  It was with open arms that I welcomed this first day of November, even though they were unpreparedly met with a brisk 39 degree morning hugging  me back.

It’s time for some focus.

Time for buckling down into routine, and finding some stability in my crazy world right now.

A special girlfriend is dedicating her blog this November to 30 days of thankfulness.  You can read her by clicking this link:   As-For-My-House.  What a great way to accentuate the positive!  I am running as hard as I can to join her in this venture.  Some other friends are accepting the challenge, too.  There’s room for all — why don’t you pull up a cozy chair and celebrate 30-days of thanksgiving in your blog, too?

November 1:  I am thankful for…

…my 30-days of Thankfulness friend, who is all sorts of wonderful things, but who above all else, has a heart for Jesus Christ and desires to lead other women in pursuit of an intimate relationship with Him.  Through laughter, tears, anger, fears…she shares transparently and assures so many women that the struggles and triumphs in life are the constants we share, and how keeping our hearts focused on Christ Himself will see us through…anything and everything!

Thank you, Heavenly Father, for the friendships you’ve blessed me with, and for directing my path to join in fellowship with some pretty amazing Beloved Beauties.  Father, thank you for Jess, and for giving her the vision to seek connectivity among Your daughters.  May You continue to be glorified through our friendships.  Amen.

Philippians 2:1-2

“Mess.”

I can remember when my youngest son was just two, looking matter-of-factly at the spilled box of spaghetti noodles on the kitchen floor, saying, “Mess, momma, mess.”  He wasn’t upset, he wasn’t happy, he was just stating the mechanics of the moment as he saw them – “Mess”.

That’s how I feel today.

I feel like I’m standing in observance a box of all my colorful emotions that are spilled out across the floor.  “Mess.”  There’s some happy over there.  It’s sort of yellow with touches of orange.  Right next to it is the gray colored concern and the black worry.  Splayed out directly across from that is the white hot guilt (white hot because it’s not what you think it is and it seems to be in everything today).  Dot all of this with broken blue and green pieces of sadness and want.  There is a little tiny bit of joy out there – those are the bright pieces of rainbow.  Rainbow, because of God’s promises.

The thing is, I don’t feel like scooping them up and placing them all neat and tidy in their box right now.  Today, in this very moment, I’m sort of dependent on each one of those emotions.  They are comfortable.  I do really like the way happy feels, and I cannot get enough of the joy rainbow, either.  But, as crazy as it sounds, I’m finding that the other colors are playing an important role in my today, too.

In her book, Unglued, Lysa Terkeurst writes,

“Our emotions are what enable us to drink deeply from love and treasure it.  And yes, we also experience difficult emotions such as sadness, fear, shame, and anger.  But might these be important as well?”
“God gave me emotions so I could experience life…”

I’m experiencing life.  That’s it!  I AM experiencing life!  Praise God, I am experiencing life, even with my box dumped out all over the floor.   It is a mess, indeed.  But it’s a beautiful mess to the Master Creator.  I’m so thankful he loves me when I keep my emotions tucked neatly under cover and even when I toss them out all over the floor.

This is how I’ve spent day 403.  Unsure of what I feel exactly.  One emotion seems to trump the next, over and over again.  I think I’m going to let Jesus have the gray, black, white hot, blue and green crayons, and see if I can put the rest of the colors back into place.

When I was younger, I wanted the white picket fence so badly!
And the husband, the 2.5 kids and dog that go with it.
And the sports cars, vacations, rockin’ body and bottomless bank account.

Life is messy.
It’s rarely a match to the utopian dreams we imagine when we’re younger.

At some point, the mile marker of the white picket fence started to fade, as did my own plans, when I welcomed Jesus into the door of my heart.  The more I chase Jesus, the more I pass by things that I used to think would make me happy.  The more frequently I chase Jesus, the more often I pass by those things.  And the more quickly I chase Jesus, the faster I pass by those things, too.

That white picket fence used to be so real to me – I could almost smell the fresh paint!  Now, I see beyond that fence to where true treasures await.  In Matthew 6 verses 19 – 20, we are told:

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.”

The fence is no longer an object that represents success, arrival or reward to me…it is a symbol of things that are temporary on this earth.

Heavenly Father, help me to keep my focus beyond the things of this world so that I may be steadfast in  walking the pathway you have prepared for me.  Father, I long to work in your will for my life and bring glory to your son’s sweet, holy name, always.  My eyesight may be falling victim to the confines of this earth, but my vision, Lord, you sharpen more and more every day, setting it upon the good things you have prepared ahead for me.  Father, please help me see opportunities you present and give me abundant courage and strength to carry out your wishes with all I meet.  Thank you so much for loving me.  Amen.

And I need to edge the sidewalk in front of my house.
Oh, and roll up the water hose.
And weed the herb garden.
And move that bag of garden soil to the backyard.
It’s been there since June.

I heard someone say this week, “You know, you can tell what a person’s house is like on the inside by looking at how they keep the outside.”

I’ve never really thought about it before, but I have now…a lot!  Thank you, person who said this.  Just like when I heard a woman say, “It really irk’s me when people don’t shave behind their knees”, I will always think about people looking at my unshaven legs, AND NOW, my unkempt front yard.  Geesh!

Words we say have a lot of power.  They are forever.  Some of them, anyway.  Words said in Financial Accounting 201 for me were forgotten before they cleared the lips of my professor, but that’s another type of thing.  Words we say in judgement…as circumstantial evidence…as infallible truth – they are sticky boogers, especially if we are the gracious recipient of those with negative, pointy fingers.

Okay, Mr. Observer and person who thinks he might know what the inside of my house looks like based on the fact that my shudders are a little faded and I have some highway grass waving at passersby — Have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe, my priorities are a little different than yours?  Have you ever thought that there are more important things in life than giving up a Saturday afternoon for weeding and lawn care?  Maybe I didn’t straighten up the front yard before I left today because there was an emergency.  Maybe I don’t have enough gas in my car to drive to the trash dump twice a week.  Maybe my husband split  and I’m struggling with the responsibilities of home maintenance that I’ve been left with.  Maybe I’m dealing with sickness, or worse, sickness of a child.

The maybes are endless.

Do not judge based on the outside.  Of anything.
Things are rarely what they seem.
And take care in the words you say, lest someone return the favor one day.

It has been a year.
I’ve spent today reflecting on the blessings of this blended journey we share.
Thank you, Lord, for your protection and your promises.
Because of you, dear Saviour, we rest well and have peace,
knowing that the paths we are on were set in motion by You,
long before we ever were.

“In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.”
Proverbs 16:9

You loved your pacifiers (bippies).
And you loved your food.
You would yell for more between spoonfuls of smashed peas and ham.

You were independent, as long as someone was around.
You never liked to be alone.
You found security in rocking to sleep, in having the light on.

Bugs and rocks and all things boy occupied your attention.
You loved the ocean and the outdoors.
Your first pets were hermit crabs named Meow and Bark.

You accepted the name of Big Brother with pride, more than once.
Bike rides through the woods and afternoons in the “bamboo forest”
were some of the important things you shared with your siblings.

From baseball to skateboards and from weight training to cycling,
you were constantly in motion.
You once bit through your tongue on dismount from a trampoline.

You created many a song in the backyard treehouse,
strumming a mismatched tune on your guitar.
You loved to write poetry.

And now look at you!
I can’t believe it’s been twenty years already.
But I’m not surprised one bit at who you are today.

You still like your food, though you’ve acquired a more international palate.
You’re still very independent, yet confidently never alone.
The outdoors are a part of who you are, birthed restless into a world to be explored
You still teach your brothers all of the important things, as they observe your walk, even from afar.
An intercontinental marathon and unicycle have been added to your activities portfolio.
And truth in lyric continues to flow from you, a gift to us all.

I’m so thankful for you, son, and blessed beyond measure in being your mom.
Happy Birthday.
I love you, always & forever.

“Hey!  I’ve got something to tell you, but you can’t tell anyone.  Wanna know what it is?”

Talk about a temptation!  How many times have you been in that situation?

When I was a little girl, about 5 years old, I remember telling my momma what my daddy had bought her for Christmas.  My dad let me see the gift and then told me not to tell her.  OH, to hold a secret like that!  I couldn’t stand it!  I held the key, which if I shared it with my momma would surely elevate her to the most delightful state of joy.  Me!  I had the knowledge and the power to do that.  On top of it all, it was a thing that I had heard commented on so many times when we were traveling or on vacation.  It was something that I was certain would change “life on the road” as we knew it.  Because my dad was in the Marines, we lived on one coast while my momma’s family lived on another.  This made travels seem routine and common to this little girl.  I’m not sure how long I held out, but I promise you this – it wasn’t a secret I kept to myself too long.  I was to tell her.  I had to tell her.  Just had to!  I couldn’t contain myself!  I had so much excitement in the anticipation of being the one to tell her about the thing that was going to change her life and be so meaningful to her.

Now that I look back, my daddy knew this.  That’s why he shared it with me.  He knew that I would be thrilled at “being on the inside” of something that was going to impact her so much.  The thing is, though, he knew that she wouldn’t believe me.  He knew that even with my untrained honesty and girly giddiness, my momma would doubt my confession of the gift that was waiting for her.

This week I have had neat opportunities to share Jesus Christ with people, in unexpected places:  from the comfort of my den, at my front door, and in my office.   Very common places, right here in my “back yard”, if you will.  There have been opportunities before, but this week, I recognized them in a different way.  It seemed that as one opportunity came and left, I began expecting another one, just around the corner.  And when the next opportunity came and left, I expected yet another.  And you know what?  They’ve kept on coming!  The opportunities that were there before, I failed to see, because they didn’t “look” or “feel” like what I expected.  Oh, how I have let my actions be dictated by this world – or really, I should say “lack of actions”.

So what’s different about this week?  What has made the difference?  Why are my eyes open to recognize these opportunities lately?

I’ve been spending a lot of time in the word these past couple of weeks (I mean, really digging in), and spending even more time in praising Him.  We’re talking straight from the heart, over-flowing prayers of thanksgiving for His blessings.  I have felt humbled and little before His obvious presence during these times of private worship and prayer.  I’ve been asking more frequently for His will for my life to be made obvious to me.  I’ve been encouraging other believers.  I’ve been in fellowship with my brothers and sisters in Christ.  I’ve felt my personal relationship with Jesus grow in strength – almost tangibly so.  It’s hard to explain it, but I have felt this week what it means to “stand in the Lord”.  I’ve been brought to tears so often at the sheer awesomeness of His hands in my life, and His gift of abundant joy.  I acknowledged this.  I acknowledge this.  And I expect His handiwork around every corner in my life.  I expect it….

That has been the difference about this week.  He has made the difference.  This is why my eyes are seeing things I could not before.

Praise God!

And now that I recognize these things, I’m that little girl again, giddy with excitement.  It’s just like I’ve been told a secret again, but this time, I’ve not been told to keep it to myself.  It’s the same feeling of excitement at the anticipation of telling someone about a gift that is going to be life-changing.  A gift that is free.  A gift that is given out of love.  A gift that will satisfy all needs and wants.  I’ve been given the key!  I have the knowledge and the power to share a gift that’s been promised – purchased and wrapped!  It is that same exhilarating feeling!  I can hardly contain myself!

When you invite Jesus Christ into your heart and enter into a relationship with Him, the secret is yours to share.  Your Father knows you don’t want to keep it to yourself.  He’s relying on you to tell others.  He knows that some will not believe you when you tell them.  After all, the gift doesn’t look like the salvation that it is.  It can’t really be fit into a neat package.  Many will doubt.  Jesus Christ tells us this.  But he also instructs us to continue in our sharing.

I’m so thankful for the parallel that was revealed to me today, as I reflected on the wonder of proclaiming His name and sharing him with others.  I haven’t thought about that Christmas in years, and I’ve never really considered the meaning that time would have on my life now.  Want to know what’s even cooler than that, though?  God knew that the little girl who was in on the secret many, many years ago would today be praising His name for the blessing.  He knew then, that I would be sitting here now in awe of the lesson He put in motion years ago.  That, my friends, is who our Savior is.  He is all knowing, all caring, all consuming…in ALL ways.  Praise His sweet, sweet, holy name!

So want the rest of the story?  We’ll have to back up 37 years ago.  All of our trips were by car.  It seemed like we traveled between California and the Carolinas every other week, but I’m sure it was more like 3 or 4 times, total.  When you’re little, time really has no definition!  That’s quite a long haul – 5 days or more in the car between locations.  Now imagine a wife (my momma) having to stop every couple of hours for a bathroom break.  Makes for an even longer trek between the two coasts.  Imagine a husband (my daddy) getting tired of stopping “every 5 minutes”.  What one thing could he possibly give her for a present that would “change life on the road” as we knew it?

Yep!  You guessed it!  Dad wrapped up a portable potty for my momma for Christmas.  Only, she didn’t believe me when I told her that daddy had gotten her a toilet for Christmas.

Mom was none too pleased with that gift.  At the time, I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why not.

Their 5 year old daughter couldn’t have been more ecstatic over the practicality and convenience this gift promised.  Ahhh, to be that 5 year old girl again!