the toenail An Important Part Of The Whole

There’s this person who is always blaming me.
Always faulting me.
Actually, this person always blames anyone but himself.
Doesn’t matter what the subject is, and whether or not it amounts to a hill of beans or not.
I’m almost certain that if it rains, I, somehow, am at fault in this person’s eyes.

Thing is, there was a day and time when that would have mattered to me.
There was a day and time when this undeserved weight of the pointed finger really affected me.
That was a long time ago, though, and I’ve learned over the years not to let someone else’s accusations, comments and judgments shape my identity.

There are some people who just will always go against the grain.
Well, let me rephrase it:  There are some people who just will probably always go against the grain.
My prayer is that this person, in particular, will one day not.

Doing what is right is not always an easy thing to do.
In fact, the predecessor of doing what is right – that time of anticipation – can be quite uncomfortable and unsatisfying.

A week ago I called out in prayer (Yes, I mean literally called out!  With all these blue tooth devices and hand free things, I talk more openly with God, and loudly, knowing that the person sitting in the car beside me at the red light will probably assume I’m talking on the phone to someone.  Somehow, that makes the space inside my car a safe place for getting verbal with My Savior.)

So, yes, I called out.  I was on my way to work.  I had a meeting later that morning with this person who always blames me for stuff.  My prayer that morning was a confident submission to God, giving Him authority over my tongue, my voice and my actions.  And while I submitted myself in this way, I also asked….begged…..prayed over my blame-mate.  I prayed that any pride, hate for me and “cat and mouse” game playing desires he had be somehow wiped away, and that only “the right thing” would be done in this situation.  Friends – I mean I laid it out there, acknowledging that while I doubted this person’s flesh could do the right thing, I knew that My God – The Creator of the Universe – THE ONE – I knew that with Him, anything is possible.  I believe this with every ounce of who I am.  And it is because of this belief that I was able to earnestly pray over this person who always blames me…over the person who finds it easier to indict me at all costs…I lifted this persons name to My Father and begged that the Holy Spirit move this man to do what was right.

Less than an hour later, I got word that this person who doesn’t like me…well…he did the right thing.

He did the right thing!

Did you hear me?  HE DID THE RIGHT THING!!!

Boys and girls!!!  I recognized God’s hand in this and immediately gave Him the glory for what had been done.

But that wasn’t all that was in store for me that morning.  See, God had answered my prayer that morning, and the Holy Spirit was singing.  Because this person had done what was right, I no longer had to be the “plaintiff” seeking for “the right thing” to be forced.  Because My Father loves me so, and because My Father shows me grace and mercy every single day, I know that this is what is expected of me, too.  So you know what I did?

I allowed for our meeting matter to be dropped.  Off the docket.  Gone.  Because if I am to show my fellow man (and that includes every one of them, even the one who is the constant blamer) that I belong to Jesus Christ, then I have to be able to hand out mercy, even when the flesh I wear doesn’t want to.  My flesh would have been completely satisfied to charge ahead full-steam, to corner this other person.  But my flesh does not control me any longer, Praise God, and doing “what is right” yields something far more intense and long lasting than anything that can sooth the flesh.

There’s this quote I heard once, and I lean on this every single time I am disappointed in another person, for whatever reason — any time I find my flesh wanting to react to someone like Mr. Blamer:  “You can’t control the actions of others, but you can control the actions of yourself.”

Oh, there’s another one:  “The only thing that you have control over in this life is your reactions to it.”

I’m so thankful for the work that God is doing in me, every day, and so happy to break free from the things which once bound me up with fear and intimidation.  I stand today as a Child of God, and that is what defines me.  I recently read in a a book (In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day):  the most important thing about you is what comes to mind when you think about God.  I love that.  Yes, I am a Child of God, and that defines who I am.  Not the accusations.  Not the untruths told between two people or shouted about me from one to whomever will listen.  Not the judgments.  Not the scowls.  Not the threats.  Not the things meant to cause me harm.  None of that matters.  Glory to God, for He is mine and I am His.

I learned today that Mr. Blamer did not see my response earlier this week as the mercy it was.  I offered him a seat.  I held his hand in mine as I thanked him for doing the right thing.  I asked Christ to be my tongue, my voice and my actions, and He was present in me.  I left Mr. Blamer earlier this week, completely filled with joy by The Heavenly Father, because I know I reacted in a way pleasing to Him.  Yet, Mr. Blamer discounted my kindness.  Instead, he sees me as weak.  He sees me as someone who he has “gotten one over on”.  His finger pointing and blaming and tearing down continues, through other people.

I am reminded of Jesus. I am reminded of the disciples.  I am reminded of how much easier it was for the world to blame and force accusations on Jesus and His followers.  I am reminded of how the mercy and grace offered were seen way back when as weaknesses.  I am reminded of how mercy and grace offered today is seen as the same.

And so what happens next?

I continue to submit to My Savior, and ask His guidance in continuing to offer mercy and grace to people like Mr. Blamer.

Why?

Because I am His, and He is mine.

His word tells us:  “Judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful.”  Matthew 7: 1-2

Thank you, Father, for Your Living Word.  Thank you for your patience, endless mercy and grace.  I ask that your spirit continues to fill me so that I may reach others in love and in a way that is pleasing to you.  Father, I long to walk in your will.  Please guide my steps and reveal to me opportunities to share The Good News with others.  Amen.

God has blessed me with a friendship that has gone the distance, plus some.  I am so thankful!

Pattie and I became friends in the 2nd grade.  It was an instant connection.  She’s was an only child.  So was I!  Her middle name was Lynn.  So was mine!  We were like two peas in a pod.  That was more than 30 years ago.  If you asked her, she could probably tell you exactly how many years that has been, because she is good with numbers that way.  Me?  I just know it’s been forever and I can’t remember life without her.

my 12th birthday party

at Indigo Joe’s, some 30 years later

We do life together!

From elementary school through college, and from Teen Beat crushes through real life relationships, we’ve Spring Break’ed together, sun baked together and “boogied and shaked” together.  We were kids at Ebenezer many, many moons ago and now we attend Sunday School together at the same church.  Our friendship has weathered all sorts of things, including a few periods of separation due to this thing or that.  Stuff happens.  But we’ve always managed to pick up where we left off without wondering what it was in the first place that caused a brief riff in our friendship.

Pattie is my forever friend.
My soul-sister.
My confidant.

She has been a rock for me too many times to count.

She loves my children unconditionally as if they were her own (and boy, do they love her just as much!).

She is always available, no matter the silliness or seriousness of my call, and she would literally do anything for me.  I know this.  I’ve never questioned this.

For all of these reasons and more, I love her dearly.

This year Pattie has faced some health things.  Life, you know, it keeps on rolling and we have to sometimes confront obstacles and uncertainties head on.  I’m so proud of my friend for how she has gracefully and stoically addressed the things that have come her way.  Today was a very important day – a final day in a long line of flow chart days.  Every appointment and procedure and consultation culminated at 3:15pm this afternoon.  I wouldn’t have been anywhere else but beside my friend.  Together, we waited for some test results.  We laughed.  Fought back tears of what-ifs.  And some of the time, we just shared quiet moments.

God is so good.  He is so, so good!

We knew this as we waited.  We’ve known this throughout the days and months leading up to today.  And we know this now.  Leading up to today, prayers have been lifted for comfort and peace, for an understanding that can’t be explained.  As the day arrived, deep down, I know that Pattie was ready to accept whatever may be next, because our God does not make mistakes.  He is just and righteous and loving.  His Word tells us that He has scripted out plans for us.  When you understand this – really, really understand what His promises entail – every day’s ending is a good one.

Pattie has been my friend since 2nd grade, and I look forward to seeing many, many more days and months and years together.   There was nothing in those test results to indicate anything less!

Praise God for his healing, grace and mercy.  Every. Single. Day.  And praise God for forever friends and friendships that go the distance, plus some.

1981

When I was twelve, I asked for a piano for my birthday.
I really, really, really wanted one in a have-a-conniption-if-I-don’t-get-it way.
Why?  Because my friend Noelle had one.
She played beautifully.
I thought having a piano would give me instant talent.
I hadn’t thought about the years of lessons that would accompany the gift.
To this day, the birthday piano has a special place in my den.
I play it every other Christmas or so.
My repertoire consists of “What Child Is This” and “Open Arms” by Journey.
Don’t judge.

1999

I vowed in this year to make my thirtieth the best I’ve had physically.
I didn’t want “stuff” in celebration of my birthday, but I wanted to be healthier.
Okay.  What I really wanted was to “look good”.
Stop laughing.  You know you’ve had this same want before.
3-0 was a big number to yield to, and at the time, I felt it was all downhill from there if I wasn’t careful.
I thought looking better would give me instant acceptance.
I wanted to turn heads, for what it was worth.
So did I achieve what I wanted?
Maybe.
It probably was the healthiest I appeared on the outside.
But this year was also when I went through a very dark time.  Divorce.
The side effect was a slimmer, more youthful me, in appearance.
But on the inside, I was broken, ashamed, and just flat out hurting.

2013
This year, there’s nothing I want for.
I don’t need things.
I’m comfortable with who I am, inside and out.
And you know what?
Forty-four has slowly showed up for my birthday, and I am overwhelmed by God’s blessings.
I’m absolutely, unmistakably blessed beyond what I could have imagined.  Ever!
I have the love of my doting  husband  and our three talented, tender-hearted sons.
I’m part of a family that spans state and blood lines, and that loves unconditionally.
And to add icing on the cake that is already so, so delicious, I have a wealth of brothers and sisters in Christ whom I do life with every single day.

Father, I’m so thankful for your faithfulness, and your patience with me, and your loving-kindness that you so lavishly pour into my life.  This year, I stand confident in who I am in your eyes –Your talented, beautiful daughter, accepted through your grace and mercy.  You love me whether I can play the piano or not, and whether or not the world thinks I measure up to its standards.  Thank you for the best gift of all – your son, Jesus Christ.  It is through his death and resurrection that I have hope and a future in your Kingdom.
Amen.

Gifting is not of self.

My mom has always said “this too shall pass” in response to any uncomfortable or undesireable circumstances I found myself facing.

“Mom, my boyfriend broke up with me!”

“This too shall pass.”

“Mom, I don’t understand why my best friend won’t talk to me!”

“This too shall pass.”

“Mom, I got caught speeding, and even though I pulled over in the church parking lot, that mean police officer gave me a ticket!”

“This too shall pass.”

I found very little comfort in those words way back when, and still today, they do little more than warrant a shoulder shrug and sigh from me.  I want instant gratification – an instant “all better” – a one-size-fits-all Band-Aid laden with pain-numbing antibiotic.

I’ve come to realize, however, that the words my mom handed me so frequently, are true.  Things DO pass.  The heartbreak heals.  The wounded friendships mend.  The mean police officers, well, they get “less mean” in parallel to a growing understanding of the term “law obiding citizen.”  Now that I have my own children coming to me with their uncomfortable or undesirable circumstances, I refrain from using those four little words.   Instead, I remind them of The One who wants to carry their burdens – their worries – their heartbreaks for them:  Jesus Christ.

Just as I had been given those words, this too shall pass, I had also been raised hearing that we should lay our burdens down at the foot of the cross.

“If something ails you, lay it at the foot of the cross.”

“If you’re heavy with guilt over something you’ve done, hand it over to Jesus.”

“If you feel lonely or frightened, give your cares to The Master.”

When I was a young girl, sitting a few pews back from Preacher Baumgartner in southeastern NC, I heard his messages loud and clear, but they kind of scared me.  I didn’t feel complelled, nor did I even understand what it meant, to lay down “my transgressions and sins” before the wooden cross.  None-the-less, the seeds were planted, and in God’s perfect timing, He brought complete understanding of this to me.  I don’t want my children to be afraid and to not understand about the freedom they can have in Jesus Christ by casting all of their worries and concerns to Him.  “Cast ’em!  Throw them hard and swiftly.  Get rid of the heavy stuff that occupies your mind and weighs you down!”  These are the action words I want my kids to know are theirs.

This is not just a “neat idea”….it’s Truth. 
______________

“Lay ‘Em Down”
by NeedToBreathe

Matthew 11: 28 – 30

1 Peter 5:7