the toenail An Important Part Of The Whole

Have you looked at what is going on around you?
I mean really stopped, took a time out, and observed the details of where you are right now?

I am always surprised when I do this, even though what I find is always the same:  Jesus is so obviously at work in every detail around me.

How does he do that?!  This, I do not have an answer to, but I can tell you why he does it:  He loves me.  He loves me!  It is because of his tremendous love that he carefully has orchestrated and knitted together every fine detail of my moments.  There are so many that I don’t notice.  Way more than I do notice.  But I never fail to see his hands at work when I truly pause to take a look.

Today I am praising God for what he is doing in my life and thanking him for all the ways he works things out for my good.  Even when I cannot see it, I know that he is there, working things out for me.  And I’m excited in advance for the moments when I am able to see exactly how his plan for me unfolds.

Our 9-year-old little boy with a 106.2 fever.
Coughing.
Glassed over eyes.
Pink cheeks and ears.

It was our third visit to see Dr. Mohr.
An unscheduled visit, of course.  We could never plan for these things.
For more than two weeks, the strep virus had danced it’s way in and through our entire household.
Despite antibiotics and cough syrups and  a firm Motrin/Tylenol routine, our youngest son was still struggling.

We joined several  people in the waiting room, all patients waiting for their turn.
There was an older couple waiting, along with a man with a walker and a woman who kept checking her watch and sending text messages.
As the nurse opened the door to call for a patient to enter the examination area, the stale air in the waiting area seemed to be energized quickly with the anticipation of every person waiting…then as the door closed, the air lost all vitality and returned to it’s stale, heavy atmosphere.  The wait.  The atmosphere of waiting.

After the 3rd person was called back, our son exclaimed, “That’s not fair!  We’ve been waiting a long time!”.  I could only smile at him and put my arms around him, reminding him that all the other patients probably had appointments, but that we were “walk ins”.  I reminded him that we would soon be in to see the doctor.

A 4th person was called back.

A 5th.

It was at that moment that I realized there was a very teachable moment before us.

“Lane, do you know what hope feels like?”

Lane was now slumping even lower in his chair, shrugging his shoulders in an “I don’t know” motion.

“You know when you hear that door open, you hear the hinges squeaking, and you are waiting to hear the name the nurse is going to call?

Lane:  “Yeah.”

“Well, don’t you HOPE that she is going to call your name?  Aren’t you watching, along with everyone else in the waiting room, to see if you’re going to be next?  That’s what hope feels like!  For a minute, you are excited and expecting to hear your name.  Now, do you know what faith is?”

Lane:  “Uh-huh.  It’s believing.”

“That’s right!  When we have faith in something, we believe completely in it.  I have faith that your name is going to be called, don’t you?”

Lane:  “Yeah, I guess so.”

“When you’re hoping your name is going to be called, and then it’s not, it’s kind of a let down.  But you have faith and know that your name IS going to be called, you just don’t know when.  Having faith makes it easier to wait for your name to be called.”

Lane just snuggled up a little closer to me as we continued to wait for his name to be called.  I was so thankful for the understanding of Hope and Faith I was being shown and praised our Savior for allowing me to talk about these things with Lane while we waited.  And as He always does, I was showered with the peace of knowing that of Hope and Faith and Love, the greatest of these is Love.  It is the Love of our Father that allows for patience in gaining an understanding of Hope and Faith to help us along in our journey.

I don’t mind waiting in the doctor’s office.  I’ve heard of a lot of people lately complaining about wait times.  There are so many sick people and needs that we are not privileged to know about others.  When we sit in a  room full of patients waiting to be seen, sometimes it can get frustrating.  It’s easy to point our fingers at others and assign blame for our “waste of time” while we wait for appointments that seem to be over scheduled, or fail to fall within a certain time limit.  Patience, Hope, Faith and Love.  When we keep these things at the top of our daily “to do list”, it will certainly help offset the negativities that can creep in and steal our peace, our joy.

1 Corinthians 13:13

Update:  Today was our 4th visit to see Dr. Mohr.  Again, unscheduled.  Today’s wait, however, was much easier on Lane.  He didn’t say it, but I bet he was thinking about Hope and Faith every time the door opened.  Thank you, Lord, for those seeds you give us and for the fertile soil in which they are nurtured.  

Olive Garden stepped up to the patriotic plate this year, offering a free entree to Veterans on this most special day.  What a wonderful way to honor the men and women who represent, defend and protect our nation!  Our family chose to dine at OG tonight (my husband is a Navy Vet), and it was an experience I will carry with me for the rest of my life.  Not because the food was so delicious, and not because we got a chicken parmesan dinner for free.  It was something much more personal.

There was standing room only inside the small front entrance of the restaurant.  It was packed.  We were told our wait would be about 25 minutes, so we took our little coaster-shaped beeper on a small trip to the adjacent home improvement store to buy some lightbulbs.  This did help the time pass by more quickly, as when we returned we found we were only eight names down on the list for the next table.  Joy!  As we stood in the crowd, we kept one eye on our beeper (as if we would miss the vibrations and alerting its-your-turn noises when our table was available) and we kept the other eye studying the people around us.  There were Veterans of all shapes and sizes, ages, cultural backgrounds.  Some were women.  Some were men.  Mothers.  Fathers.  Daughters.  Sons.  Friends.  There was no animosity in the crowd, instead, an overall unspoken appreciation for each other.  Then, when we were about three names down on the list for the next table, an older couple came in and weaved their way up to the hostess booth.  The gentleman, tall and conservatively dressed, guided his lovely wife through the masses, ever so tenderly directing her.  I heard him announce, when he was leaving his name, that he had served in WWII.   Without much ado, he lead his bride to a nearby wall, where they waited, like everyone else.  There were no seats available.  I took note of the love I saw between them, holding hands, as they stood silently waiting for their name to move up the list.

After studying them for a few minutes, and searching the room for a vacant seat where they could wait comfortably, I turned to my husband and said,  “You know, honey, I was thinking.  When our table comes up, we should go over there and trade beepers with that sweet couple, so that they can be seated first.”  To this, my husband replied, “I was just thinking the same thing.”  Immediately after, our 9-year-old held up the beeper, excited that we “finally” got called upon.  My husband said, as we followed our server right past the couple standing by the wall, “it’s a different number”, with a tone that told me we were not trading places with them.  A different number?  I didn’t know what he meant at the time (he later explained that he thought because there were only the two of them, and we had 3 in our party, that the table sizes might be different; hence, “different number” of people to be seated at the table).    I dismissed the thought and just followed behind to our table.

As we settled in to games of tic-tac-toe on the children’s menu and deciding between water or diet coke with lemons for our beverage choice, I didn’t think about the couple.  At least not right away.  We had friendly banter with the waitresses and waiters, greeted some familiar faces seated near us.  We moved on from tic-tac-toe to the dots game.  Then, sometime between the arrival of the soups and entrees, I finally settled into my chair and lifted my eyes to the wall where the couple had been standing, only to notice them still there.  It had probably been about 25 minutes since we had been seated.  They were still waiting.  And this is when it happened.  The thing that will forever be with me, at least I hope it will.  Coming upon me in a rush, heaviness consumed me.  “Oh, I have failed to do what the Holy Spirit wanted me to do.”  A simple gesture of kindness, in a possible arena that could have become alit like wild fire, was asked of  me, confirmed by my husband having the same desire.  I was encouraged to reach out to this couple, and I did not follow through.  And now, as I saw them still waiting, I was overcome with shame at having missed a chance to be obedient in showing the love of Jesus Christ.

Tears came.  My husband knew.  From the moment I looked up at the couple still standing there, I couldn’t go back to not thinking about them.  I told my husband, “We should have offered them our spot.”  At this, my husband just nodded in agreement.  I could see that he understood exactly how I was feeling.  But having confessed this to my husband didn’t relieve any of the weight I was now carrying.  I said, “I don’t know how to fix it.  I can’t go back and offer them our table now.  There’s nothing I can do.  I’ve been trying to think of a way to reach out to them, and there is no way, now.  I have nothing to offer them.”  I had been trying to think of a way to “have another chance” to do something.  Nothing came, yet the weight was becoming even more overpowering.  I lowered my head and silently prayed for forgiveness for failing to be obedient.  Father, I’m so sorry I did not follow through with what I know you were asking me to do.  Please help me to be more steadfast and obedient.  I don’t want to miss any other opportunities to show you to others through my actions.  It was about this time that our entrees were delivered.  With water-logged eyes, I asked my waiter if he would help me with something.  I pointed out the couple to him, and told him I would like to pay their bill, but that I didn’t want them to know it was me.  I imagine it’s not every day that the wait staff has to deal with emotional women who want to pay for stranger’s bills, but our waiter was on board.  He told me he could arrange that.  “There’s one thing, though”, I told him.  “I want to write a little note to this couple.  Can you bring me some paper?”

Pushing my food aside, I began a note, “Dear Sir…”

It was a short note, but it did two things.  One – I thanked him for his service to our country, and two – I apologized for not being obedient in offering our table to him, as I knew the Holy Spirit was encouraging me to do.  Through this note, I was able to tell him how encouraged I am to be more steadfast in my obedience.

I felt the Holy Spirit working in and through me tonight, and something was pointed out to me again, loud and clear.  It seems to be a common theme with me these days.  We make choices.  They are not always the choices that God would hope for us to make.  But, when we make a choice that does not match up with his plan for us, He can, and will, take that choice and create good out of it if we allow him to.  He has the plan.  His plan is always perfect, and right, even though we can’t see it all the time when we’re in the middle of our own plans.  Once I asked for forgiveness tonight, and confessed to my heavenly Father how sorry I was for not being obedient, he showed me a way to share his love….not only with the couple, but with the waitstaff and probably the people seated near us….God’s love was shown and shared.

Thank you, Lord, for teaching me tonight.  For allowing me to feel shame in not doing what you wanted me to do…..and then for allowing me to feel joy in your forgiveness.

All things….all…every single one of them.

Our Heavenly Father didn’t promise us that most things will work together for good, or that some things will and some things won’t.  We are told in Romans 8:28, “All things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”  ALL.  Period.

This past week during a study group at church, the challenge was issued for each of us to really take a look at our journey so far and consider how Romans 8:28 has been realized in our personal lives.  Wow!  The thing is, from the point I’m at right now, looking back for one specific reference is overwhelming and my naturally A.D.D. self quickly wants to think about something else more defined, like the number of chains in a dishcloth I’m crocheting, or the order of events in my schedule for tomorrow’s business day.  Something finite.  Something I can count.  Something I can begin, and end.  I like tasks with that kind of closure and completion.  But looking at my yesterdays and picking out how events have worked together for good…..that IS a challenge.  I’m still a road under construction.  There are events that have intersected with others, there are accidents, potholes and uneven pavement.   There are even some dead ends, which are really not dead ends at all, because they turn me around and send me in another direction.  Okay, taking off the construction hat now and kicking those orange traffic barrels out of the way so I won’t lose you in this rant…

Had I been asked this a couple of years ago, it may have been easier for me to dismiss this challenge.  Now, though, as I’m growing in Christ and my understanding of His word more voraciously than ever, I can’t formulate a concise, tidy response.  I think this is because I’m beginning to understand Romans 8:28 better than ever.  I’m getting more “hindsight-understanding”.  As my faith is becoming more steadfast on a daily basis, as is my acceptance of the things for which I was not created to understand.  I know that all things work together for good, because I have seen witness of this in my journey so far, through the combination of many events and outcomes.  And I know that the trials I face today will be looked upon at some future date in acknowledgment that they, too, were with purpose and part of God’s plan for me.

God’s word is true, “It’s All True”, as sung to us by Jeff Slaughter.  All.  Not most.  Not some.  All.  Having God’s promise, His word, will never fail us.  As life churns forward, with all it’s beautiful countrysides and bumpy dirt roads, I know that at the end of it all, God’s promise waits for me.  Romans 8:28 just reassures me that the journey between the beginning and the end of this human life I’m living is only temporary, and will work together for good.  Now THAT is something to get excited about!   All things.

There once was this guy  who disliked a certain football team SO MUCH that he even picked out the orange candies from his favorite Skittles snack and threw them away.  It was a ritual for him.  If it was orange, it had to go.  His disdain for the team was always made apparent to any bystander who had to witness his disgust and disposal of a candy that, in his eyes, represented something bad.  He put a lot of effort into letting it be known that he didn’t want anything to do with anything orange.

I wonder, did he put on such a show over the disposal of “all things orange” when no one else was around to see him?

Hmmm.

Just like that, I thought about our spiritual walk with Christ – our attempts at “doing away with the bad” and living more and more like Christ every day.  Do we do away with the “bad” in an elaborate, attention-seeking public display, only to hold onto this same “bad” in private?  Or, are we consistent in our walk, whether it be before others or when we’re alone?

I don’t want to “do away with” my sinful ways, because it looks good to the person walking past me.
I don’t want to “do away with” my sinful ways, because it looks good to my Sunday School class.
I don’t want to “do away with” my sinful ways, because it looks good to my son’s friend’s family.
I don’t want to “do away with” my sinful ways, because it looks good to my husband.
I don’t want to “do away with” my sinful ways, because it looks good to my Aunt Eloise.

I want to “do away with” my sinful ways, because I want to be more like Christ…because the Holy Spirit lives in me and is pleased when I do this…..because of my love for God.

My Father knows my heart, whether I throw away the orange candies or not, and that is all that matters.

I’m posting for the sake of emptying my head this morning.

T-I-R-E-D is a word that was given to me this morning.  It has been present in my all week’s study time, so after being hit on the head with it long enough, I figured I need to dig in and see what the Lord is revealing to me.

As I prepared for work this morning, I was saying a prayer of thanksgiving over the disciples.  Were they ever tired?  You betcha!  Our Sunday school lesson brought this to the forefront for me.  I imagine if I was standing in the presence of Jesus, being taught by his messages, being asked to come along on his path……I imagine that I see first hand the miracles he performed……I imagine the power that the disciples were given to cast out demons and heal the sick……..I imagine……what if I was one of them?

HELLO!  I am!  I AM ONE OF THEM!   I DO stand in the presence of Jesus.  I AM being taught by his messages.  I AM being asked to come along on his path.  I DO see first hand the miracles he performs.  I DO have the power to make an impact on those who are lost, those who are sick.

Don’t you know those disciples were tired?   But what a different tired that must have been from the tired some of them knew from the fishing boats.

“Lord, I can get completely exhausted from working in the yard, from working at my job, from worry and anxiety…….I tire from many, many things.  I wake today wanting to tire FOR YOU, exhaust me!  Let me be a witness and a worker for you, Jesus.  I want my satisfying slumber to come from the reprieve of your promises, after being a tireless witness for you.  Amen.”

I love my coffee in the mornings.
It’s a special treat when I get to have someone else’s coffee in the morning, like today.
Somehow I found a few minutes before work, and a couple of dollars, that allowed for a luxurious trip to the drive-thru at Krispy Kreme today.
Joy!
I had sweet anticipation of sitting at my desk with a warm cup of smooth deliciousness.
As I turned into the KK, a big white Yukon cut in front of me.
Blatantly!
Without excuse or pardon, without care, just turned sharp and cut in the line ahead of me.
I was so surprised – not by the act – but by the calm I had in reaction.

“Lord!  Where did that come from?”

Of course, I knew where it came from, and I thanked him and was so delighted over the person I was versus the person I knew I would have been before I had him.

As I waited patiently, I noticed the woman driving the Yukon in front of me.
She was obviously not patient.
She was not saddened, or distraught.
She instead looked angry, bitter.
Those little tale-tell wrinkles on the forehead and around the mouth told on her displeasure.
She had to repeat her order through the speaker.
She repeated her words with disgust that you could almost see dripping out of the corners of her mouth.

I immediately began to pray, “Lord, I do not know what is going on with her.  But I lift her up to you.”

As she left the ordering board & speaker, I could hear her loud music thumping, and see her flicking cigarette ashes out the window.
Then, I heard her.  She wasn’t singing.  Instead, she was stating profanities.
Profanities at “not being able to deal with this stuff (I changed the words a little), I have to get to work!”
Profanities toward the server.
Profanities toward the person she didn’t know ahead of her who was apparently the wrong size for her liking and the wrong speed.
When she got to the window to receive her order, she forcefully handed the money over and did not wait for change before taking off.

I was just heartbroken.  I was heartbroken for the server who had to face this.  I was heartbroken for the car ahead of her, who had to see that impatient white bumper in her rear view mirror.  And I was heartbroken for the woman driving the Yukon.  “Lord, she doesn’t even know….” was all my head kept saying.

As I pulled up to the window to get my coffee, I told the server how sorry I was.  But I had an opportunity to share with the server how at first I was wishing I was ahead of the Yukon, so I could have paid for her order.  But if I was, I probably 1) wouldn’t have known this woman was so unhappy and 2) wouldn’t have made a difference in doing so.  God put me right where I needed to be.  My joy-filled moment of anticipating the treat of someone else’s coffee was placed exactly where it needed to be this morning.  I’m going to continue to pray for this woman today.  She doesn’t need to know I’m doing that, for it to impact her life.  I’m going to pray for the Holy Spirit to tug at her, to be a present thirst.  That extra extra sugar she ordered in her coffee isn’t going to satisfy her permanently.  I’m going to pray that she come to know joy, love.  And I’m going to continue to praise God for rescuing me from the driver’s seat of that Yukon, because I’m positive I’ve been there.  Maybe that’s why my heart breaks for this woman so.

Please join me in prayer over those who just don’t know, or don’t have the Joy present first and foremost in their lives.

Mornings are crazy during the week.
Capital C  crazy.
Number one – I never get up in time, which leads to
Number two – The kids never get up in time
to have a peaceful morning of dressings, teeth-brushing, breakfasts, etc.
Never!
Despite all good intentions, the driveway doesn’t usually bid us farewell until we have a mere 11 minutes to get to the first school across town.  Whew!

Yesterday I was feeling brave, and decided to do a little laundry duty before heading out the door.
As I worked folding clothes straight from the dryer, over the hum, rattle and roll of the working washing machine, in my good-intentioned efforts to multitask, I asked my 9-year-old son a question.  He was in the kitchen scarfing down some cold cereal with milk, and I was at the other end of the house.  I did not go to him to ask, I just shouted over the noise, “Do you have your shoes on?”

That’s when, ever so gently, my Savior said to me, “Why do you ask questions when you have no intentions of listening for the answer?”

Whoa!  Did I do that, Jesus?  Did I ask a question that I really didn’t care to hear the answer to?  In my rush to get things done, I had asked simply for the purpose of pointing out something that my son needed to have done before we walked out the door.  But you know what?  I don’t know what his answer was.  It could have been yes, to which much praise should have been responded.  It could have been no, to which more encouragement could have been given.  Instead, I asked a question and didn’t follow-up or show care.  How many times do I do that, Lord, in my everyday?  I always say, “How are you?” to those I cross paths with.  How often do I really listen to the response?  How often do people I ask even give me a response?  Lord, how often do I do that to you?

This got me to thinking about all the washing machine noises that go on every day, all day long, that keep me from following through with good-intentioned things.  When I pick the kids up from school, and I ask, “How was your day?”, do they know I sincerely want to know how their day was…..or do they think I’m just going through the motions?  When I tell a friend I’ve been thinking about them and ask them how I can pray for them, do they take me seriously?  Do they see genuine concern in my question?  And most importantly, does God know I value His response to my questions?

Today I’m praying for the washing machine noises to be less so that I may be a better listener.  I don’t want to be distracted and miss the answers my kids give me, or my co-workers, or my friends from church…..I don’t want to miss anything that my Savior may be telling me.  Praise God I heard his voice above that washing machine yesterday!