the toenail An Important Part Of The Whole

Gray. Overcast. Uncertain.
Unthreatening.
Encompassing.
Unexpectedly calm.

That’s what today is.
The outside is a reflection of my inside this morning.

It’s the kind of day that when I approach the throne, I’m unable to pour out my heart in prayer or praise, becasue I don’t know how to verbilize what’s inside this mess of a daughter.  Thank goodness the Holy Spirit intercedes on my behalf when I am weak (Romans 8:26).

A couple of weeks ago, when I first noticed this uncertain feeling coming over me, I knelt before the throne, head bowed, and waited.  I stopped giving excuses for not knowing how to pray on this particular day, and I simply waited, expectantly, for the balm that comes from the Savior.  He never fails.  Never.  And this is what He said to me:

“Keep ME in the forefront,
because when I AM,
you will react to this world
in a manner that is in line
with MY will for your moments.”

His on-point response – His salve – was an affirmation and directive that cut to the chase.  It went straight to my heart.  It was a response to the culmination of things in this earthly life that were weighing on me, but I couldn’t even recognize.

I lose sight of Him so frequently.

My excuses have gone something like this:  “But Lord, I have to tend to things right here, right now!” and “Lord, this world is so demanding!” and “Oh Lord, I’ve got this.  I have a plan.”

He says, “Keep me in the forefront”.

Why?

“Because when I AM, you will react to this world in a manner that is in line with MY will for your moments.”

He did not say what is in line with His will for my life.  He said “moments”.

Picture Jesus.
Picture Him right there with you.
Now.
In the car.
Waiting at Five Points.
When you are rushing around the house getting ready for school and work.
When you are at the doctor’s office.
Picture him standing with you when you catch the cat going potty in the laundry basket.
Sitting beside you at work.
When you get home and realize McDonalds forgot to put your apple pies in the bag.
With you on the phone with your spouse.
With your ex-spouse.
When you’re in a parent teacher meeting.
When you are sitting on a church pew.

I let stuff in my immediate moments get inbetween me and Jesus.  I do.  I admit it.  The mess of this world interferes.  Or rather, I allow it to interfere.  I get so focussed on what’s before me that I forget that My Lord and Savoir IS with me, in every moment, in every circumstance, in every situation.

My oldest son is going back to his home overseas today.  As this day has been approaching, I have focussed on the tasks that were obvious.  Those things that needed to be done to ensure a timely, efficient, and didn’t-forget-a-thing-while-packing departure.  Busyness.  Oh, how satan loves busyness.  No doubt it’s a tool he uses more than any other.  It’s a distraction.  It’s something that easily shifts my focus from Jesus, WHICH is exactly why I have been feeling so gray, I’m certain.  And then there’s selfishness.  Who desires for their family to be spread across the globe?  To have had our entire family together for the last several weeks has been blissful.  I don’t think I’ll ever see the day when I’m happy for our son to leave.  And then there’s worry.  Oh, hello worry, my old friend.  I should really call you my nemesis.  Worry over travel.  Safety.  Well-being.  Finances.

But here’s the thing – If I keep Jesus in the foreground, then He’s helping me pack.  He’s showing me selflessness.  He’s got my worries under His feet.

I have great neighbors.  David and Gigi.  When I am standing at my kitchen window, I can look outside and see directly into their kitchen window.  Our houses are very close together.  David says to me all the time, “We were looking at you and flipping the lights on and off trying to get your attention, but you just didn’t notice us.”

You know why I didn’t notice?  Because in that moment…wait.  Let me say that again.  Because in that MOMENT, I was so consumed with the dirty, messy sink full of dishes that I failed to look beyond the heap of distraction to see my friends waving at me.

Do you have a dirty, messy sink that’s getting in the way of your view of Christ?  I do.  And it doesn’t stay in my kitchen.  I carry that thing around with me all day long sometimes.

“Keep ME in the forefront”, Jesus says.

Heavenly Father, thank you for your everlasting, all-encompassing, never failing love.  Father, I’m so unworthy, yet you cover me with grace daily.  Thank you.  I’m easily distracted, Lord, and I know this does not come from You.  Please help me be blinded to the distractions in my home, in my workplace, in my neighborhood, in my church, in my community……….please help me focus on You.  Father, I desire to be in line with Your will for my life.  More than anything, I want my life – my moments – to be pleasing to you.  As I go through this day, I give you complete reign over my minutes, Lord.  I need you to sustain me and to keep my focus where it should be.  It IS a great day, Lord, and I will rejoice and be glad in it, because YOU are the reason we have this day.  Empty my heart of me, Lord.  In Jesus Christ’s name, Amen.

Precious moments together – Easter of 1994.

Sun Drop and Pop Rocks
First lured you from sight
You were just 2 years old

Waking before me
You knew what to do
Go where that stuff is sold

You sneaked out the door
And went to the pier
Little boy, brave and bold

Imagine the looks
From fishermen as
Into the store you strolled

It was no surprise
At the age of 16
“Mama, God said to GO”

Remem’bring that boy
Born with strong willed heart
Who in his hands did hold

Sun Drop and Pop Rocks

___________________

It’s just a few days now before we are reunited with our oldest son, who has been away from home for more than 2 years.  An unexpected heaviness has found me, and the excitement and anticipation over being reunited feels like an intoxication of sorts.  It’s been such a long time apart, yet, it seems like just yesterday when this little boy was following the desires of his heart…all the way to the fishing pier next door at 7:15 am, in search of the perfect breakfast – Sun Drop and Pop Rocks.  I remember the anxiety of that morning.  I remember the relief that followed.  I remember just wanting to hold onto him forever, and keep him close.  I’m feeling all of those things, and more, as I wait for word that he’s made it back safely.  I can’t wait to get my arms around him!

Thank you, Jesus.  Thank you!

This is my family.

My Family

The young woman to the far right, holding a baby, is Cordelia.  She is my great grandmother.  The baby is my great aunt Lessie.  To the far left are her mother and father, the Casteens and to her immediate left is her mother-in-law (all of these, my great great grandparents).  To the right of Cordelia is her husband, my great grandfather, James David Lanier.  The picture is dotted with my great aunts and uncles when they were young children.  The unnamed four were family friends – a couple with their two daughters.

For years, I’ve looked upon this picture as if these people were ficticious.  Someone else’s people.  From a time that had nothing to do with me.  But at yesterday’s family reunion – around the SEVENTIETH-something since these every-third-Saturday-in-September reunions began – my view of this picture was forever changed.  As I got to listen to Aunt Beatrice tell about each individual in this photograph, these people – THESE FAMILY MEMBERS – came to life for me!.  I saw an instant familiarity within these faces now and desired to know more about the rich family history of the late 1800s / early 1900s.  Aunt Pat told of the actual piece of land on which this picture was taken, likely a hundred years ago or so.  I heard stories of farming success and raising 14 children in that house.  I heard stories of great riches and great losses.  And then, I heard something about Cordelia.  Something that set my heart on fire and brought tears of joy.

Cordelia went to church.  She most certainly did.  And she worshiped in a house of the Lord regularly with her mother.  Cordelia went to a Pentecostal church!     My heart leapt with joy because I knew I had some Holiness in my bloodline somewhere!  Haha!  Just the thought of my great grandmother raising her hands in praise and worship excites me, because I realized in that moment that this family I’ve always looked upon but never really “knew” would be family I would surely know in heaven.  The tears of joy came from the instant thought of knowing Cordelia loved her family, and loved her Lord, and I felt the weight and weightlessness of prayers from a century ago touch me simultaneously.  I have a connection.  The Cordelia connection!

Thank you, Jesus!

Nicknames.
Do you have one?
Have you ever given someone a nickname?

Bet you can answer yes to at least one of those questions.  I can answer yes to both.

Some names were nice and some were playful.  
Some were not so nice and definately not playful.
Some were just plain misunderstood.
One of the favorite monikers I assigned was to my best friend.  
It was “Bread Head”.  
I didn’t mean for it to be a “mean” name, but I bet there were times when my friend was outright sick of hearing it.
Her name was, in all due respect, also a brand name of sandwich bread.  
The name didn’t have anything to do with her actual hair or her cranium.  
She didn’t ever have bread stuck in her hair or anything.
It was, at best, my early Marketing attempts at assigning a product with a name. 
And it was assigned from the heart.
Not out of a michevious thought.

I sure hope she knew that.

As I handed out names, I also received them.
Believe me, I got my fair share of nicknames.
Some names were nice and some were playful.  
Some were not so nice and definately not playful.
Some were just plain misunderstood.
“Bread Head” called me “Shaz”.
It was a name that had evolved from a previously assigned name.
It was meant in good fun.  I choose to believe so, anyway.  
See, I had a crush on this guy whose initials were RC, like the cola.
To be all incognito about it when we discussed boys, the two of us were refered to as RC Cola & Shasta.
          —yep, I’m feeling all 14 years old again!—
And because I was a bit of a spastic personality (imagine!), the two names were combined to form “Shaz”.

Here’s the thing.  
People are watching.  
People are talking.  
It’s just what they do.  

Is what they say about YOU based on facts, or opinion?

When Jesus was in Caesarea Philippi, the disciples had heard all sorts of things the people there were calling Jesus.  They called Him a prophet, a teacher.  I’m sure they were calling Him names that were not so great, too.  But when Jesus asked the disciples who THEY say He is, Peter speaks up:  “Lord, you are The Christ, Son of the Living God!”  Why did Peter say this?  Because having been around Jesus, in private and in public, he was able to see the facts.  Jesus didn’t have to tell Peter or the other disciples who He was, because the facts did that for Him. 

Think about all the names Jesus is called today.  
Christian music on the radio does a good job of helping us out with many.

“Jesus Messiah……Name above all names…..Blessed Redeemer……Emanuel……”

Followers of Jesus Christ know a ton of names for Father God.  

Prince of Peace
Savior
Alpha and Omega
King of Kings
The Victor
Comforter
Lord
Annointed One
The Great I Am
The Lamb…

There are people who are not followers of Jesus Christ who probably have a ton of names for Him, too.  
Or, maybe they don’t believe in Jesus at all, and in turn, have no names for Him.

Understand this:  What we call Jesus Christ, as His followers, is based on fact.  On Truth.  We are not to be swayed by false names or entertained by name mockery.  And when we hear negative names based on someone else’s interpretation or jest, we should turn from what is not fact.  Not truth.

My 11 year old son helped me compose a list of more than 40 names for Jesus today, in preparation for a group study I’ll be at in a few hours.  When I asked him, “How did Peter know Jesus was the Messiah?”, he answered, “Because Peter got to see Jesus, and see how he acted and stuff, and he got to know who He was because of how He acted.”  My next question was this, “So, how do you think people know we are Christians?”  His answer blew me away.  Not because it was so rocket-science technical.  But because it was so soft, and truthful.  He said, “Because of how we act, and how we treat others.”  Blown away because it has taken me many, many more years than him to figure that out.

Father God, thank You for loving me, despite all the times I failed to call out to You respectfully, and despite all the times I put so many names above Yours.  You are my Savior, my Confidante, my Help, and I am so thankful.  Father, help me to see others through Your eyes so that any monikers I assign are done so through love and compassion and through Your truth.  I love you, Jesus.  Amen.