In the still of early mornings, I can hear him breathing.
It’s far more than the freckles and green eyes.
Despite distance and time, I am stirred by a heart loping in sync with another across the ocean.
And I miss him.
22 Feb
Day 540
4 Feb
Chicken Soup and Good Company
There’s just something about hearty, warm chicken soup combined with the undivided attention of a loved one that makes you feel better.
That’s what my day will consist of.
The fourth family member, mister bow tie? He’s sick now. Cough, cold & flu like symptoms have found him, just as they did his older brother and dad last week.
On this fourth day of the month of love, I’ll be homebound, healing with a hug, a warm compress for that stuffy nose, brushing shaggy bangs from his forehead as I feel for his temperature to drop, and soothing a sore throat with homemade chicken soup.
And we will just hang out.
Him and me.
Because that kind of love just makes you feel better.
Heavenly Father, thank you. Thank you for your son, Jesus Christ, who suffered so on that cross for us. For me. Thank you for loving us so much, Father, that you sent your son to Earth and allowed him to suffer, so that we could find our way back to you. As I comfort and care for my son today, I am camping out on this kind of love – the most incredible, unending, boundless love you have for all of your children. A love so amazing, that as awesome as I know it is, I still have no idea of it’s depths. Please let my little one feel the touch of Jesus through my care today, and allow his physical healing to be rapid. Thank you, Lord, thank you. Every day is a sick day as long as we are flesh bound. And everyday, you offer “chicken soup and good company” to sooth us and make us “all better”. I love you, Father God. Amen.
3 Feb
Nurses and Doctors and Everybody
Our family has had three visits to the local Urgent Care Center / ER this week.
Stitches.
Flu diagnosis.
Infection treatment.
There are four in our household. I’m hopeful the fourth family member without need for medical care remains that way. That would be the 10 year old. The baby of the family. He wouldn’t miss the ER trips for anything. It’s both his concern and curiosity that makes these types of visits “I gotta be there” trips.
After learning how to stitch up a cut, treat flu symptoms and doctor an infection site, he very matter-of-factly made this announcement last night from the back seat of the car on our trip home from visit number three:
“Man. You know nurses and doctors and everybody? It seems like they would all be Christians with the way the help everybody and know so much about how to take care of us. They really love people by the way they help them. And they know things like if this antibiotic might kill this person or not. That’s really cool.”
Ten. He’s just ten, apparent by his thoughts on antibiotics. But his thoughts on medical professionals caring for people who are sick and loving all the people who come to them? Spot on! When Jesus was on earth, wasn’t He just like that? I mean, in His physical being on earth, didn’t He open His arms, literally, for all those sick with sin? Doesn’t He still do that today, though He’s risen?
I know I’m sick. I’m a sinner, through an through. I have “sinners sickness”. I was born with it and I’ll never be cured. It’s an ailment I’ll always have. Jesus knows that, and He loves me anyway, and cares for me, and has made me “all better” in the eyes of our Heavenly Father through His sacrifice on the cross.
Our Heavenly Father has revealed to me that it’s not just the “nurses and doctors and everybody” who need to have the open arms of compassion and care, it needs to be all of us – it needs to be me!
Care and compassion for others doesn’t need to be reserved behind the closed doors of a medical clinic or ER, it needs to be offered freely, in all situations, everywhere. There is not one person who is free from the “sinners sickness”, and there is not one saved by the Blood of Jesus Christ who is not capable of offering the same type of care and love to others. Like Jesus.
Heavenly Father, thank you for the caring hands that have taken care of my family this week. Thank you for the opportunities to see You at work in the medical field and the chance to hear medical staff give Glory to You for their abilities. Father, thank you for your son, Jesus Christ, who took on all of my sins so that I am seen blameless by You. Stretch me and grow me, oh Lord, so that I may offer the same compassion and care to my neighbors. I want to love the way Jesus Christ loves, Father. Please make me keenly aware of those who need a comforting word, a helping action, a prayer-filled request lifted up. Father, make me like “the nurses and doctors and everybody”, and seen as someone willing and desiring to help others. I love you, Father God. Amen.
2 Feb
I Am A Selfish Driver
Yesterday I asked, and God didn’t hold back. He revealed to me all kinds of ways I need to love people. The first way was just moments after I finished my blog, “Love, Y’all”, when the kids and I got in our car and headed off to school & work.
I am selfish when that car door shuts. How can I love others as I love myself when I do this? I can’t. Pretty simple conclusion, right?
That car door snaps closed and all of a sudden it’s game on for me. All of the day’s needed coordination to meet schedules and deadlines and due dates and start times…they come on me fast and furious.
“It’s 7:08am. If I go left, I’ll get Reed to school early, but I might risk getting Lane to school late. If he’s not late, I might have time to grab a quick coffee before heading to work. But I should skip the coffee and go to work directly, so that I have time to spend in devotion before clocking in.”
Decisions, decisions. I have a handful of things that have to be completed in less than an hour and a half. Before I realize it, I’m pulling into the high school, and have yet to say morning prayers with the kids. I think, “how did I get here so quickly, and who was driving, because I can’t remember any of the route from Street A to Street H.”
Ever do that? Get so wrapped up in thought that you arrive at your destination and realize you can’t really remember the drive? It’s like your body goes on auto pilot while your head works out the details of your day.
Ugh. Selfish. I’m not thinking about the moment, that’s for sure. I have uninterrupted minutes with my kids, and I’ve let them pass because I’m busy in my one-man-band head.
But I’m also not aware of those I share the road way with.
Ouch.
That was given to me loud and clear yesterday morning.
We teach “defensive driving” to our teenagers – I teach defensive driving to my teenager – yet, I have not displayed much with my own actions in even being aware of the other drivers all around me.
I’m not talking about “loving those I share the roadways with” by driving 25 miles an hour, trying to make eye contact with every car that passes me, or goodness sake, that I may pass at that speed. I’m not talking about holding up a sign at every stop light that reads, “Good morning, I love you!” I’m simply talking about respecting others in a non-rage, non-hurried manner that relays I know I’m not the only driver with a billion things to get accomplished during the morning rush.
I can do this by obeying the speed limit. When the posted speed is 45 MPH, I should definitely not drive greeter-happy 25 MPH (like that every really has happened). I also should not drive 60 MPH because getting my sons to school is more important that the law-obiding citizens driving the speed limit to get their kids to the same school, at the same time as me.
Instead of scoffing at the SUV that is coming into the car line from a side street, I should let them in line every now and then. Maybe they are not rudely trying to “cut”. Maybe they are in a hurry to get to the hospital because they have an ill family member. I shouldn’t assume the negatives.
Though a selfish driver, I am not typically a road rage kind of gal. I know some of those. A friend of mine has moments when her hand motions and words make me a little uneasy when she’s worried about someone stopping too closely behind her at a stop light. Just last week, however, I recall my youngest son saying, as we approached a school bus stopped ahead of us picking up children at 7:01am, “Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me!”. He had the perfect inflection of a disgruntled, rushed, SELFISH driver. Wonder where he learned that? He’s only ten.
—Me, blushing, head down, raising my hand.—
I know where he learned it, and I don’t want these to be the things my kids soak up from our morning drive. I also don’t want those around me to see that nasty, selfish me sitting behind the wheel with an unhappy face. They sure wouldn’t see Jesus in my expression.
It’s February 2nd – DAY TWO of the month of love. I’m going to put into action the things God is revealing to me, and wear my steel toed Sketchers today, so that as He reveals more, my toes don’t get too wounded in the process.
Heavenly Father, thank you. THANK YOU! You have heard my prayer and have not held back in showing me multitudes of ways I can love people. I want so badly to show the love of Jesus to others with my life in the ways I act and ways I speak. Please continue to show me where I fail to do this, Father, so that I can grow in obedience to Your will for my life. Make me keenly aware of situations where I need an attitude adjustment or new approach, so that I can best serve and represent You in all I do. I love you, Father God. Amen.
1 Feb
Love, Y’all
It’s February. The month of love. Commercially speaking, anyway. All the other 11 months should be months of love, too, but stay with me as I use February as a time to learn more about the love of Jesus Christ and what is expected of my life, because I am His.
This year, I’m going to work on putting love above all else for 28 straight days. I know, I know – that’s what we are supposed to do anyhow. But I admit, my human self sometimes – okay, OFTEN – gets in the way of that. The Bible tells us in Luke 10:27: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and, Love your neighbor as yourself.” I do passionately love the Saviour, and I want to be obedient in how I live. That includes “loving my neighbor as myself”. I do, actually, love my neighbors. David and Gigi are terrific. And I love Sarah and Dan. Richie and Michelle. Brian and his family. I am blessed to share a tiny piece of everyday life with them, even if just passing by each other, or thinking of them when I see their homes. But the Lord means EVERYBODY, not just those neighbors who are easy to get along with. And not just your physical neighbors. Think about this: He wants us to love
– the little boy who makes fun of your child at school
– the newspaper delivery person who always forgets to put your paper in a water-proof baggie
– the homeless person who pushes her grocery cart down Maple Street
– the teacher who just doesn’t understand your child
– the ex-spouse
– the ex-spouse’s new spouse
– the girl who is now a woman, but years ago was mean to you
– the woman who acts like a girl and is mean to you today
– the unsmiling grocery check out attendant
– the neighbor who complains about how you keep (or don’t keep) your yard
– the politician whose sins are publicly brought to light
– the preacher who might step on your toes with his message
– the people you share the roadways with
– co-workers, including your boss
– family members, every single one of them
– people who slander you
– him
– her
– them…
You get the picture?
Just love, y’all. JUST LOVE.
Heavenly Father, thank you for your never ending love and for the grace and mercy you extend to me new and fresh every day. Please guide me and teach me this month about love. I long for a deeper understanding of your words from Luke 10:27. I want to be obedient to your will for my life. Please open my eyes and my heart to sharing love with my neighbor as you have willed for my life. Father, please reveal to me opportunities to share the love of Jesus Christ through my actions and words. May I be keenly aware of your presence in every moment, always. I love you, Father God. Amen.
25 Jan
Life With A Recovering Starved Dog
Meet our dog, T.P. This is a picture I took today. She has lived with us for almost half a year now.
5 months after rescue
When we brought her home months ago, she was a starving dog. Literally.
The day we found her.
After trips to the vet, a few shampoos, time spent on a regular feeding schedule and LOTS of love and encouragement, T.P. is recovering. Her personality is starting to shine more every day, as is her soft, black coat. She’s a little less timid. She whimpers in excitement for the first ten minutes we’re home. And she loves us. We are her people. Her family. All 4 humans living here, along with the yellow Lab, a Siamese cat, a 3-legged used-to-be-outside-but-is-now-an-indoor cat, an iguana, a bearded dragon and a 9-year-old goldfish from the fair. She loves my mother, too, who frequently stays with us, but the feeling is not mutual, so I’ve chosen not to include her in the list. 😉
Life with a recovering starved dog can be interesting. Our vet warned us that she will probably never be able to eat less than 3 times a day. When she’s fed, she eats “ferociously”, like there is no tomorrow….nor upcoming feeding in a few hours. The first time we realized how consumed T.P. was with consuming food was when we left her inside for about 30 minutes while we ran an errand. When we returned, she had cleaned off the kitchen counters and the table. Understand, there was no food left “out”. She ate 1/2 a bag of Doritos, finished a loaf of bread, ate an entire pack of whole wheat English muffins and a coffee cup full of bacon grease, including about half of the broken ceramic, from when she knocked the coffee cup down on the tile floor. Portions of the wrappers were left, which is how we figured out so quickly what she had eaten. She’s never gone to the bathroom inside the house, and she has the best manners when we’re all at home with her. But left alone inside, the girl can get into some trouble trying to combat her fear of starving.
One night, T.P. jumped up into a chair on our back patio and peered at me through the kitchen window. She had a light brown mustache covering her muzzle. “Oh, no!”, I exclaimed. Checking the back yard to see what she possibly could have gotten into, I found an empty bag of organic fertilizer. Yep. It was basically a bag of chicken poop. She ate it all. And she probably licked her lips clean while I was trying to figure out what she had eaten. As it turns out, left alone outside, too, the girl can get into some trouble trying to combat her fear of starving. The woodpeckers will have a little less to eat this spring, because T.P. has found their suet cakes to be a delightful treat. Wax, sunflower seeds, cayenne pepper…..she doesn’t mind those things one bit.
I’ve also learned that if you add garlic to your indoor dog’s food, it will make the output from the indoor dog, when she goes into the backyard to … well … to “make output” … it will make it less desirable to a dog who might like to eat such things. Fortunately, you don’t have to add garlic to the food of the dog who might like to eat such things, because self-made output is about the only thing a dog like that will not eat. Yeah. That’s all I’m going to say about that. Except that when you come over to visit us, be careful if you walk through the front yard. That’s become the outlet for the inside dog. And if T.P. ever escapes the backyard, she’s not hard to catch. She’ll just be around the corner in the front looking for the all-you-can-eat buffet.
This week, it’s freezing where we live. It’s so cold, that we’ve been letting T.P. sleep inside at night, in our room, instead of staying in her doghouse. This morning when I left for work, it was still 28 degrees, so I made the decision to leave her in the house. All other humans were gone. I checked the house over twice, and made sure the counter tops and table were free of food. I also made sure the trashcan was secured behind closed doors. Confident that she would be a good girl, I left her home alone, knowing my husband would be back in a couple of hours. About exactly 2 hours after I left her, my husband called me at work. His words were, “you set me up”. T.P. had found a way to get in trouble, and it was her starving nature that lead the way.
The counters were clean – check.
The trashcan was closed behind doors – check.
What possibly could she have found to eat?
Apparently the head of a medium sized Labrador is small enough to fit through a 7″ x 5″ cat door. A cat door that leads into the garage. A garage where I put a bag of sealed garbage last night. T.P. had stuck her head through the door and had pulled almost the entire Hefty bag of garbage back into the house, piece by piece, and spread it all over the kitchen and den floor. The only things that she wasn’t successful at getting back into the house were items that were too big to fit through the small opening, like an orange juice bottle and some hamburger meat styrofoam trays. Other things that were too big to pull through, she chewed up and swallowed while her head was still protruding into the garage through the cat door.
Yes, life with a recovering starved dog provides for some head-scratching, reconsidering moments. But when we remember where she came from, and see how far she’s come, we can’t help but smile at the love she has for us…..and us for her. Garlic-breath and all.
25 Jan
Bow Ties At Recess
When I was outside at recess, this boy asked me: “Why do you always wear bow ties to school?”
I told him: “Because I like to.”
The boy said: “Well, that’s a good way to get picked on.”
I said: “Most people just smile and laugh, but that doesn’t bother me. If they smile and laugh, then they might have some joy, and I know that joy comes from God, so in a way, I’m bringing Him glory by making people feel happy.”
Then the boy asked: “Do you go to church?”
And I told him: “Yes.”
__________________
Today, this is the story my 10-year-old shared with me when I asked him about his day at school.
In his 5th grade world right now, he is figuring out that being different is not always easy (the risk of persecution…or in this case, bullying), but that being different can also can be a positive thing, like providing opportunities to sow a few seeds.
This momma is so thankful for how God continues to teach me through my children.
2 Jan
Day 489
The weather outside is an indication of how this day feels to me.
Overcast. Cold. And aside from those two things, pretty non-descript.
Found myself passing the gray minutes away, browsing at TJ Maxx.
Why?
Why not.
Didn’t know what I was looking for, if anything, really.
But then…I saw it.
A simple glass bowl.
Oval in shape.
Grayish in color, like today.
I brought it home.
A treasure!
What makes it special is spelled out on the price tag.
I’m leaving it stuck there.
It reads, “Made in Turkey”.
- Four Hundred Eighty-Nine
1 Jan
Hitchhiking
There are some things you just don’t tell your momma.
Ever.
Then there are some things you tell your momma…eventually.
Now that I’m well into my adulthood, I get a kick out of divulging these latter type of things to my momma. Things that were going on in my very self-centered world that (I thought) she might not have been aware of. Like that time my best friend and I cut lunch when we were in high school. We didn’t do anything “bad”, but the thrill of going off campus for lunch was something we couldn’t resist at the time. I can’t remember all the details, but I do remember driving back into the school parking lot the wrong way and swiftly blending into the crowd to confused any authority who might have been looking for us. Or that time, during our senior year, that my other BFF and I made a road trip to Columbia in the middle of the night to see her brother at USC. Why? Just because we could. And yes, there are plenty of other things, but to keep from sharing evidence of any sort that my own sons could use as leverage in the future, I’ll plead the 5th now.
Last week, my oldest son hitchhiked about a 100 miles. He was going from point A to point B, and used his thumb to get him there. How do I know about this? Not because he told me, I can assure you of this. During his travels, he called my husband and told him. That’s how I know. 🙂 Yes, my son would have told me…eventually…but this is the type of thing he wouldn’t share with me in advance, because he knows exactly how I would respond. It’s probably how any other parents reading this would respond.
The more independent my son becomes, the more I can hear my momma saying, “I hope when you have kids they act the same way you did.” I get it, momma, I really do.
21 Dec
The Stairwell
I entered the dark stairwell.
I could go upstairs or down.
First I needed a light, though.
“Where is that light switch”, I questioned.
It wasn’t where I thought it should be, right beside the door.
It wasn’t by either staircase.
“Hmmmm.”
I realized that I could probably go upstairs or down with no problem, even in the dark, but there’s just something about that. About the dark, I mean.
Moreso, there’s just something about its opposite, too.
Isn’t the light such a good thing?
It exposes all sorts of problems areas.
It reveals all sorts of safe passages.
It comforts. Really Comforts. In a very intangible, omnipresent way.
I considered, in that moment, how thankful I am for God’s light – The Light of the World that He has given to us. The Light that is Jesus Christ.
Having The Light of Jesus, even in that dark Stairwell, is a comfort. Oh my, how He exposes things to us and how He reveals things to us, that help us in our daily walk.
This world is a very dark place. Outside of The Light, it can be cumbersome, overbearing and suffocating. The darkness can be present in many ways – too many to count. Maybe it’s a sickness, or an unexpected diagnosis. Maybe it’s hunger. Or Fear. It can be all sorts of cleverly disguised things, too. The darkness can be something that drives an unhealthy addiction or lifestyle. The darkness can also be deceiving, and appear to have the qualities of comfort.
Praise God, He has given us The Light of the World. Jesus Christ is alive and wants to be the power source for all of His children. All of them. He wants all of us. We are all sinners, and he wants us. The suffering. The lost. The dirty. The unworthy. Every. Single. One.
Do you ever find yourself in a dark stairwell, searching for the light switch. like I was earlier today? How about in a dark place, surrounded by dark circumstances? Have you ever felt hopeless? Scared? Alone?
The only powersource you need is Jesus. He provides inextinguishable light to all who ask for it. Ask for Him to be that light in your life. You don’t have to wait until Christmas. You don’t have to wait for a special occasion. Ask Him today, right now, to be Lord of your life. Walk in His light every hour of every day. His love is abundant and merciful and waiting just for you.
the toenail 